On a quick trip to the mall today my daughters and I were on our way out and passed one of those kiosks, the kind that sell those ceramic hair straighteners, body jewelery and catchy catch phrase t-shirts. Well it was one of those t-shirts that's totally adding fuel to my firing blog tonight. Its a curvaceous image of a woman with long flowing hair, dancing.....dancing on a pole. It said, "I Support Single Moms". So WOW that seems to be the consensus of a nation. If not that one, then certainly that we single moms are raising "future strippers and future criminals and outcasts" as one Ann Coulter would have you believe anyway. She parlayed her right wing views into a much overemphasized 15 minutes of fame last year with her "beliefs". So how does it make me, a single mom feel when I read this kinda of crap or hear it? Yep it irritates me because I think I am doing one of the, if not the hardest job in the world....solo.
Let me tell you if I was out there stripping my kids would starve... so it is just better that I drive a bus and hope that my writing takes off one day in the real world and not just in my dreams.
It is those dreams that a lot of single moms give up, making hard thought sacrifices for the kids they love. In my grandparent's generation single moms were usually due to husbands who died in a war leaving behind widows, these women were treated with honor as they should have been. It does not mean that the path ahead of them was smooth. According to the census which classifies single moms in "The Other Household Families" one era in particular spawned one social impact which created a big increase in the number of single mother households. It was in the 60's and 70's divorce was the big taboo that no one dared even talk about. Single mothers of that era were portrayed as divorcees, incapable of making their man happy at home or too busy finding the feminist side of themselves to worry about the fact that their family was falling apart. They wanted to be the Ms. not the Mrs. Popular culture has a way of taking what is going on in the world and blaming it on the destruction of the nuclear family. Whether what is going on is for the good or the bad. In the 80's and 90's media had us believing that women were so caught up in their careers and shattering those glass ceilings that only men were traditionally supposed to do, that they forgot that their clocks were ticking and chose to go the route of single parenting. As the movie "Baby Boom" which I loved by the way, would have you believe that being a single corporate climbing mom is comical and in the end your kids who are your inspiration make anything possible, even a happy ending.
In my era, media would have you believe single moms are single handedly contributing to the downfall of society as we once knew it. I have to sigh and roll my eyes at this point because it has taken me a long time to get to this stage in my life. You know the one. Where you really do not care what anyone thinks of you. Well that is where I am. But that shirt pissed me off and the comments that were made by Ann Coulter pissed me off. I don't know what her mom status is but who the heck is she to talk crap about moms like me? I am a woman who for any number of reasons is a single mom not by choice. Because I would so love to have a partner that would be solid and stable and be everything that I needed in mine and my kids life. My girl's dad is an addict and is not the best person for himself right now let alone us. I have never had another serious relationship with anyone else because I had girl's and did not want a strange man around them when they were younger. I wasn't consumed by needing a man in my life. I always assumed I could do it alone. The mountains that are placed in front of me are challenges and I always find a way to be resourceful, climb over it, go around. Or just doze my way through it. A lot of people think I am this strong, ballsy, kinda outta her mind gal that never breaks. I do secretly break in my quiet alone times and have a good cry. I do feel pressure as a single mom to do for my kids. I feel guilty when I do for myself. Heck I broke down and bought new underwear this week four bras and 6 pretty underwear, I felt bad till I looked at my sparse worn collection of undies and the two bras that had broken under wires. I spent a whole 23 dollars on this stuff at a discount store and let me tell you it took a few days for the guilt to wear off. How crazy is that? So yes we single moms do without or sacrifice or push ourselves that much harder to be successful, because we want our children to make better choices and have better lives.
I know a lot of single moms and everyone of them has done the best that they could and not one of them is a pole dancer! So there! So what if any of them were, how skewed is the view that a single mom who works and pays taxes and is not a burden on the welfare system is something to joke about? I think in the past it was not the norm and women were made to feel that they needed to have it all, and a man too, that a myth was born. That we do not want a "normal" family. If normal is a man that lies, or drinks or has some other addiction, or beats us up, or cheats on us, or grows tired of being with us, or only marries us because we are pregnant, or wants us to be a subservient good wife, or maybe we just grow apart, then I do not want normal. I like who I am and maybe in the future there will be time for me, but for now my focus is on my daughters and my grandson, yes I have a teen mom for a daughter but that is another blog. She is also a single mom and you know what I have told her..... no man will ever complete you until you complete yourself, go to college get an education, be more than the sum of someones beliefs about you. Because really all that matters at the end of the day when you are putting your baby to sleep is that you know you are doing the best you can for him. So she lives with me, helps me pay the rent and she is going to start community college in the January. My kids are smart, well mannered, not into drugs and they do not get into trouble, they are all unique and wonderful people who have a lot to offer this world. My oldest wants to get her degree in Psychology, my youngest wants to be the first woman player in the NFL, and my middle has not quite decided but wants to have a happy life full of adventure.
I think that shows the world that I am not half bad at doing this singlemomming thing. "Baby Boom" did get that part right, for all the drivel that is written or said about us single moms creating an era of fatherless children, we are at our best as single moms when our kids are our inspiration. I know I would not be where I am right now without them, they keep me wanting more, they keep me in tears and in laughter, and prolonged periods of bliss and joy on the days they aren't making me want to run away and join the circus, that is. They are the reason I write, heck they are the reason that I breathe, and they are my inspiration and my happy ending.
Not Ur Typical Gma
Who Cares Where You Come From, Its Where You Are Going That Matters!
Krisann Gonzales is a single mom who drives a bus by day, and has a secret identity as blogger Not Ur Typical Gma who blogs about how she lives her REAL life and how others perceive it in her blog "True Confessions Of A Welfare Mother" at noturtypicalgma.blogspot.com/
this post was posted on PIC Blogs via Diary of a Single Mom unfortunately it got lost in their shuffle at Christmas time and it did not get posted when it was supposed to . They were supposed to repost it but flaked out I guess, and I think my blog was pretty damned good compared to the others yeah really good so what I am full of myself the new moon is in my house I have every right to be according to my horoscope, so I am finally posting it on my site, this is what they had asked me to write about... hope you like it.