i make no excuses about who i am! love me, hate me, just read me!

Monday, May 23, 2011

True Confessions Of A Welfare Mother: dinnertime convo with the kids episode 1

True Confessions Of A Welfare Mother: dinnertime convo with the kids episode 1: "This was filmed yesterday after we made enchilada casserole...just us being us this is the stuff my kids and I talk about at the dinnertable..."

dinnertime convo with the kids episode 1

This was filmed yesterday after we made enchilada casserole...just us being us this is the stuff my kids and I talk about at the dinnertable...just randomness hope you laugh....stay tuned  for more dinner theatre!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Of Epitaphs and Porn

I've been juggling around two ideas for this blog post and I am thinking I will just go with the flow one blog post has to do with the other so....lets combine them shall we? When I heard the news about Bin Laden's killing I was happy inside like everyone else....he is akin to Hitler to me. Hope he is burning in hell quite honestly. When the news came out the other day that he had a porn collection, it well amazed me that this was the big news. Bin Ladens extensive porn collection, not the book with other plots in it, and the names of other terrorists who are to carry on... no the PORN was the news...big deal a man with several wives watches porn... well have you seen his wives? Seriously this whole thing got me thinking what the fuck would I be ashamed of if my family members had to come to my house today and go through my things if I heaven forbid, died? I don't have much to be ashamed of, maybe some random kotex that I did not dispose of properly but other than that not much. Oh and I do have sexy pictures of myself that I took for my love. I am completely clothed in them, just sexily suggestive, ok there is a shot of my ass in sheer underwear. I am not embarrassed of them though, I am really pretty proud of them. I look fucking hot...and my love thinks so. If that's the worst that I have then no worries here. Besides we got rid of the porn collection.

So what puts people off about porn? It is a recession proof business. It does not matter if the Dow Jones is up or down it matters if your mate is getting down to some double DD blonde.. instead  of you? Well ladies you know you watch porn too! Well at least have been curious. How do I know this? Yes I have watched it, but judging by the amount of pornshots I get on my phone I know for a fact a lot of women, at least the nasty beeyotches that are my friends look at it on some level.. and some of those messages are way too explicit for me! My kids and I shared my phone for a long time and  I finally had to tell my friend Lupe, "hey ugh my kids open those messages sometimes, you know the nasty ones you send me of some over sized penis or old  twat...", that one was the most disturbing to me, it scared me straight....I am and always have been straight by the way. Now that we have clarified that. So yeah porn the big news here...

Then I started thinking about my epitaph what would it read? Then I remembered I want to be cremated, not worm food.  I am gonna have to have some sampler made up so my daughters can hang it in their homes when I am dead and they can look at it and smile. Just don't hang up the sexy pics kids.....
That leads me to this question for you. What would you want your epitaph to read?

Frank Sinatra
 "The Best Is Yet To Come"

The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
"To Save Your World You Asked This Man To Die:
Would This Man, Could He See You Now, Ask Why?"

Jesse James
"Murdered By A Traitor And A Coward
Whose Name Is Not Worthy To Appear Here"

Bette Davis
"She Did It The Hard Way"

Mel Blanc
"That's All Folks"

Emily Dickinson
"Called Back"

You can google for some more, hmmm I don't know what I would want mine to say something funny for sure. Maybe something like;

In Memory of our Mother
She Sure Left An Impression On Us.....
When She Backhanded Us!
Oh Well The Jokes On Her
We Put Her Ashes In The
Kitty Litter

Im just sayin, highly girls are allergic to or hate cats......

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I have had my own struggles in my relationship with my girls father, as most of you know if you read this blog. So the news that Arnold has a "love" child, with a former maid was not a big shock to me. Not to say that what he has done is ok with me, it's not. He was in a position of great power, and married to a very beautiful, powerful, woman in her own right. I see a lot of parallels here... women like me who make not so great partner choices and Maria Shriver have a lot in common. We are usually very loyal, very forgiving, and always end up giving up something that is very important to us when we choose men with addictive personalities. I am not saying that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a drug addict like my husband, I am saying that he likes the power that he has attained through the years, whether it be bodybuilding or acting or politics. Those fields all have to do with a narcissism that means a person whose involved in them, would have some type of addictive tendencies. I knew long ago that Arnold was a womanizer when I followed him in bodybuilding, and watched him as he worked his way into mainstream America. Most overly confident  men are...I did not say all I said most. So when he married Maria Shriver I was shocked! What was she thinking?

But hah thats what people say about me. Funny isn't it how we hold other people, people we know and people we don't to a higher standard than what we would set for ourselves...whether it be choice of mate or falling from grace. The thing people forget is that the loser addict or  the famous politician  are just people. People who make choices that affect the world around them, and ultimately their families, the people they love the most.

So the thing that does get me is that the people who will suffer the most in this tabloid news, facebook, twitter, media to go, day and age are the children of these relationships. Maria and Arnold's children will feel betrayed and torn, hate and hurt and confused. All valid feelings. To know that you have a half sibling someone who has the same blood running through them as you do, and that is one of the reasons your family is broken is to say the least, overwhelming. Yet these children will endure this under the media glare of the microscope that is our sick obsession with the celebrity life. The "love" child by far will have the most to deal with, not having been raised in the limelight, living by most accounts a "normal" life. Imagine what this will do to him. I often wonder if as adults they feel responsible for the demise of the family whose life they changed, even though clearly they are not the responsible party at all!

When two adults make a choice to betray their families by having an affair its one thing, but when a child comes from that situation it becomes something altogether.

I feel for everyone involved but I know that a person like Maria Shriver will carry herself with poise and grace. I hope that the people involved will be able to move forward from this. After all life will go on.

Men have been betraying women, and vice versa since the dawn of time when that cave person discovered fire he or she was the sought after mate. Once the potential mate got what they needed they moved on and so fire has been handed down from generation to generation. Moral of the story? Don't play with fire kids you will get burned. So for all of the advances in the world people remain the same at their core. Life is full of choices, but ultimately you need to ask yourself can I live with the choices I made today? Sometimes the lure of the fire is just very inviting. 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Terminal illness makes you an unfit parent...The Alaina Giordano Case

I am pretty pissed off this morning. I like Mike Galanos of Headline News on my Facebook Page and one of the stories highlighted on his feed is the case of Alaina Giordano. She is a single mom of two who was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. She divorced her husband  a year or so ago, he moved to Chicago. She stayed in Durham, North Carolina where she is receiving treatment at Duke for her illness. The female judge cited the fact that her terminal illness was a deciding factor in giving custody to the children's father. As Alaina Giordano herself said on a recent interview, none of us knows when we are going to die. The judge also cited that she was unemployed, shes been making it financially so far so thats just a buncha caca. My issue is that she left her husband because he was abusive...don't know all of the details but she was diagnosed prior to her divorce. Is he really the fit parent of the two? He has a job, that is not going to make him a better parent...the judge even said it would be easier for her to move to Chicago..what an asinine comment!
If her ex had any concern for his kids he would not be dragging their mother through court at a time like this and instead think of their  mental well being. Its devastating enough to know that your mother is going to die from a disease like Cancer, let alone to know that you may not be there to make those memories that would keep her alive in you. Her children are quite young 11, and almost 6, impressionable and so needing their Mom at this age. I would wish that he move to where she lives, that he have the compassion to think of the mother of his children as someone he once loved. Together they could work on the future of their kids, that he allow them this time with her no matter how long, 5 months or 20 years. After all they, the kids, are what is important here.
If this ruling is allowed to stand think of the precedent it would set, that a parent with a terminal illness, cancer, AIDS, or worse yet degenerative diseases like MS and or Parkinson's could risk losing the custody of their children.What do you think?

Monday, May 2, 2011

"I am sooo not like you!" YOU WANNA BET!

Some things are expected in life, some are planned for, and yet others come out of the blue. Some things you see coming and some things in life blindside you and leave you feeling numb. It seems as if today was all of those things for me and as much as I feel sad about things that happened today I also know they happen for a reason. Oldest lovelie decided to tell me she was moving back with her Aunt and that I was by her account a terrible mother, who depended on her too much. Who was never there for her when she needed me, who had essentially failed her. She is right about some of that. It is funny though how we see things when we are 19. Today being her birthday, she gave me heck 19 years ago in the delivery room and ever since then we have had a love-hate relationship. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, I just don't like her very much right now. Perhaps because she is like me in alot of ways and not like me in a lot of ways.

So here I am after our argument forced to look at myself again, like I was last year at this time, because she moved out then too. Then she came back and caused a lot of changes to happen in my otherwise running smoothly household. So here we are and I have to say that though I will miss my grandson I will not miss the drama that has happened in the house the last 6 months. This is giving me the opportunity to realign my self and look at my goals, just as I have encouraged her to do. She has always demanded a lot of attention and unfortunately I don't have enough to go around. She is after all 19 and she chose her path when she decided not to listen to me at age 15. So here she is a teen mom with no diploma, no job, on welfare. I only hope that she realizes that she needs to make her life better, get her education and move forward in a positive way.

In saying this I am forcing myself to do the same thing working on ones self is a lifetime project. I've made mistakes and choices that she watched and learned from. She being the oldest took on a lot of responsibility at a much younger age than her two siblings. They are very different from her. I asked them today if I was a terrible parent, to which they said "No Mom!" I know that I am doing the best I can but I also know I can do better. So what is stopping me? The fear of failure? The unkown, taking a risk. Life is about all of those things and so in her leaving I am learning that it is time for me. I don't have any excuses anymore no little ones to  worry about, no reasons except the money reason that I should not finish my schooling but that is an excuse that can be fixed. So here we go the both of us into this new adventure awaiting us.

I believe in her and I know that she can do it, but she has to believe in herself. That goes for me too! Like Mother like daughter!