i make no excuses about who i am! love me, hate me, just read me!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


When I read that Kyle Williams had received death threats via Twitter I was shocked and sad. Now everyone who knows me knows that I am not a 49er fan, but this type of fanatic behavior is what makes me not want to be a part of the Cali football nation whether it be Niners or Raiders. After the pre-season exhibition game it became clear that these two teams have extreme fans who feel the need to pull out a gun and kill people of the opposing team. I hate the fact that these two teams are often associated with the thug element in general,and that is why I don't support them. I am a Saints fan, and am even sad that a Saints fan took it to the extreme outside a restaurant shooting at two Niners fans. I often wonder if the gang affiliated thugs who sport these jerseys and hats even watch the damned football games? Apparently an extreme sect of them do and that my fellow football fans makes for a deadly mix. I have never really gotten the gang scene and think so many people with potential waste their lives in that reality. I did think I was a "chola" for a brief moment in time and man looking back on that how stupid was that.
My children have never had too many issues regarding gang situations, although when my middle daughter was in 7th grade she was threatened because she wore the color red a lot, just happened to be her favorite color...fortunately she told me and the little asshole, a boy no less, was dealt with.
So we all know little assholes grow up and they make life miserable for those who just want to enjoy it. Football fans are probably some of the craziest fans there are, next to the Little League Parents I know. They have a loyalty like no other and will go to extremes to show it. Killing the opponents fan should not be one of players themselves have to worry about these dumbass people.
Williams feels badly and will forever beat himself up over those two crucial errors, that is what an athlete does. The fact of the matter is football players are skilled athletes that have pushed their limits for their fans, and for themselves and for their team. I would love to see that fan try to make that play. The elements alone that day were a big enough factor to change the odds for any team. I believe redemption will come for him, really how do you stop a ball from bouncing on your leg people? Thats like telling the sperm not to find the egg, its just one of those things.
I hope the FBI or FCC or who ever is in charge of monitering these types of threats finds the loser(s) who made them. I think they should be taken seriously. People everywhere lost a lot of money on that game, thats what they get for betting.
Williams has a family and the threats have even gone there....this is a serious situation, why should anyone in this day and age have to tolerate that? I believe the REAL fans of Williams and his teammates have been supportive of him. That's fan loyalty and team loyalty a lesson these so called thugfans need to learn and I would LOVE to see what would happen if these extreme fans were placed in the locker room with his team mates.
I think Kyle Williams should keep his head up, because the two games that I saw in the last two weeks did prove to me that the 49ers are a force on the field, and he should be proud to be a part of that. No, No! I am not becoming a fan of theirs, just someone who can admit that I know a good team when I see one...No one will take the place of my Saints!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Unlikely Heroes; Where Would Jimmy Graham, Michael Oher, and Dorial Green-Beckham be today if no one believed in them?

My beloved Saints lost their game last week taking them out of contention for the Super Bowl, but I still get to see the Pro Bowl for my final post-season glimpse of my favorite Saint, Jimmy Graham. I was never big into following football until my daughter Makenzee started playing youth football. When the Saints went to the Superbowl we watched and cheered them along because they were the underdog story, led by Drew Brees their quarterback who had come back from injury and had been overlooked and let go by the San Diego Chargers, himself an underdog story. That year is when my daughter began to play football and ever since then I have been a screaming fanatic not only for her but the Saints as well.
I didn't want her to play but then remembered my own dreams as a young girl who could throw and kick a football better than most boys. I remember my dad telling me "no" when I asked to play football. Her first year playing she was a defensive standout and was a leader on a team of boys, they went undefeated and won their Championship, her second year was mediocre and a let down for her. This, her last year in youth league was a repeat of the first, being one of the team leaders and defensive standouts again and playing a perfect season and Championship win.

 It was never easy financially for us to pay the 50 and now 75 dollar fee, and on top of that buy cleats or shoes and in her case sporting bras and compression shorts. It was a pretty penny, but if I had to sacrifice something for her I would, and I would make enchiladas and sell them for her to be able to play her favorite sports. I beam with pride at my girl. I am soo proud of her and often imagine where this ability will take her. These wins are something she will remember forever. Making all those enchiladas was worth it!

What about the kids that never get the opportunity to play a sport? Maybe in school their grades aren't good enough, or financially their parents cannot afford it. Do you know that statistically childrens grades improve if they are involved in an extra curricular activity like sports. As I drive my bus through my little town I see more kids playing ball in the street on the Eastside than the Westside. Thats because their parents can afford to put them in youth football or Little League on the Westside. I wonder how many hidden talents are out there who will get lost to the thug life, or end up pregnant or worse. Sports should be made available to everyone. I do commend my cities John Wells Youth Center for giving kids the opportunity to box or learn dance for free that is a step in the right direction. Their are some great people in my community, friends of mine and friends of theirs that jump at the opportunity to help out a young athlete in need. A friends son needed wrestling shoes and she posted that he would do yard work or whatever he could to earn money for them on Facebook. I had some old wrestling shoes but they were too small. So I made a call to my friend Johnny a frequent buyer of my enchiladas. I had recently seen his brother Danny who saw me in the grocery store and and had told me if my daughter ever need sponsorship to let him know. So a couple of days later my friends son had wrestling shoes. Things like that are so simple to make happen. My daughter and I have talked about creating a foundation to help kids who otherwise may not be able to afford sports, by getting sponsors and even collecting old sports gear to distribute. We hope to start it soon.

So back to Jimmy Graham, when I watched him play this year he caught my eye with his remarkable talent. When I learned his story he became the hero in my house. How do you play only 6 months of college ball as a graduate student to become the a tight end with 99 receptions and a record breaking 1310 receiving yards in your second NFL season? By having someone believe in you and making you believe in yourself. Watch Jimmy Grahams story below...

Those opportunities are all around us. Look at Michael Oher of the Ravens and his story "The Blindside", he is also a big hero in our house, look at Parades All American Dorial Green-Beckham whose story is similar to Ohers. You don't know his name, but you will. He broke a 15 year old national record by having a highschool career recieving record of 6,447 yards. Green-Beckham and his brother like Oher were adopted by a family, after having been in foster care and living sometimes in motels and vans. It touches my heart because my daughters too, had to live in motels, a mission, and we even slept in our van a few times. These are people who are survivors no matter what. Those are quite honestly the people I would want on my team if I was a coach!
So the next time you see a kid playing ball in the street look at their face and remember it, they may be the next NFL or MLB star.

Some Little Leagues offer fee waivers, so that no child misses the opportunity to play check with your local Little League.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Being an English Only Speaking American who is Mexican In Central California

I am American, I speak English, since when is it a crime to speak English in America? What? You ask, a crime? Well according the public I serve the fact that I don’t speak Spanish fluently because I appear like them and have a Mexican surname well that’s not only a crime, but a sin! I speak Spanglish and for the most part I get my point across however phonetically or grammatically incorrect it may be. I was recently reported to my Cities transportation department…I am a bus driver of public transportation in my town, for being rude and not understanding my passenger….What the fuck? Understanding you? I don’t need to understand you, you live in America, although most folks here would have you believe it’s akin to Lil Mexico, which to some degree is the truth. My town is predominately Hispanic, a good percentage of which is the illegal kind. I have nothing against someone coming here to work and do jobs Americans on welfare won’t do, but when you are here illegally and collecting welfare, getting free housing that I don’t qualify for and a host of other benefits and using my name to do it, well then, there is a problem. And if you do not speak English and yet expect me a second and third generation American to speak Spanish then I really have a problem. So apparently this customer who was already in a bad mood did not like the fact that I closed my doors on her. She made a complaint to my city and my boss showed it to me and I was like “really, I don’t give a fuck, this paper is bullshit” my exact words to him….”If I was black or white, she would have no legitimate complaint, and I know this would never have even been called in.” Because I chose to close the door and not listen to her tell me “Escuche me, usted no intiendes, no intiendes, no intiendes”  over and over again and the simple fact that SHE believed I should have understood her because I appeared MEXICAN,  I got reported. What irritates me is that she does not make any attempt to speak English to me so why should I speak Spanish to her even though I did and got her where she needed to be? If I went to China and needed to get somewhere on a bus I am pretty sure they would expect me to know where I am going, and expect me to speak their language if I needed assistance.  My point is that this was ONCE a part of Mexico, not anymore, so why we cater to Spanish speaking people is beyond me. Some local signs are solely in Spanish or Spanish is above the English translation. I even go shopping and get spoken to in Spanish and I say “Excuse me I am American I speak English” To which I usually get no response at all, but downcast eyes as if they are telling me “chinga tu madre” in their heads.

Honestly I wish I spoke more Spanish, it is a beautiful language, but I am not going to be Selena who was adored by the Mexicans by the way. I am Krisann Gonzales, American of Mexican descent and I speak  English, because my parents never spoke Spanish to me. My mother who went to Catholic School was wrapped on the hands by the nuns for speaking Spanish, and my father, who was a second generation American didn’t speak Spanish until he was in his 30’s because he realized as a self employed mechanic he could make more money. My eldest sister on the other hand grew up next to my Mothers parents and learned Spanish at a young age, my brother and I only ever knew cusswords. Doing this job I have learned more and can assist someone pretty well, but it’s not perfect. The difference between me and my complaining client is that I at least am making an honest attempt to speak to her and if she cannot appreciate that, then too bad. I feel bad for her, because she will never gain the benefits of trying to speak English, communicating primarily through her child whom she will use as a translator who will speak both English and Spanish perfectly, how wonderful Is that?
What I love is watching someone come into our office and say perfectly “Do you speak Spanish” and if someone says "no"  they speak in English and with no problem. Maybe their hesitation or reluctance is because they will be misunderstood or look silly, but make the effort people. You will gain so much more. I don’t get the tenses correctly in Spanish but I make the effort and I think that should be appreciated. So what if I say something wrong or incorrectly, I usually preface it with “Como se dice ummm?”  whatever word in English I cannot say in Spanish. That usually emits a correct pronunciation from a more helpful passenger and also assistance if I cannot communicate effectively. To which I am very grateful.  I try to learn more and more every day from my coworker Irma who teaches me Spanish phrases and speaks to me in Spanish, I help her learn more English. Now if only we could get her to say the street FALCON correctly!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Getting back my blog groove.....

This year I want to make a comittment to blogging a lot more consistently, there have been stops and starts and spurts of inactivity. Everyday I have a topic for a blog on the tip of my brain, but life seems to somehow get in the way. But really that is just an excuse I like to make for myself....haha. I am trying to become more regimented with certain things in my life, like skincare (sunspots what the hell, they are not age spots, they are not age spots, they are not oh wtf), eating better (cutting out the soda, so freeking hard! hey kids leave me a drop of pepsi!), keeping a journal (I can hide it better than this stuff on the computer), doing things for myself (don't remember the last time I shaved my underarms, damn things scared me this morning ready to put cornrows under my pits!) and finally the hardest of all, letting someone have the last word ( I know right?) At least they will think they have it until I come home and blog about it. My boss was explaining to me to say "OK" to problem passengers and just leave it at that, which is very, very hard for me. Especially when I feel like knocking the fuck out of them! I have rules that I need to follow to do my job properly and waiting for you (lady) to put out your cigarette and get your shit in your bag is not one of them. She cut me off "Krisann" style (for those less astute readers I am Krisann!) and then proceeded to talk about me to her friend another passenger for the full 30 minute trip to Wally world. Her friend by the way has literally stalked me on my bus. Why do all the old creepy black men fall in love with me? I am thinking it is the ass, yes it is still quite nice if I say so myself. The crazy thing is the day this happened I was making a conscious effort to be polite. I know that is hard to believe but its true. I had, just the day before gotten called into the office to review a video because a client made a complaint that I was rude to the city. Funny thing is she would not have complained if I was say, Black or White. No I firmly believe she complained because she was upset that I did not speak Spanish the way she thought I should, nevermind that she lives in the United States and should speak English! Do you already see the number of great blogs that come from these two experiences!

Trust me I have something to say everyday about some topic, however minute and abstract it may be... So this year expect to follow my blogs and vlogs on topics such as me reapplying for Welfare, Underpaid "yeah right" City of Madera employees, living on one income, Bankruptcy, Homelessness, specifically homeless camps, Homosexuality, The first Bi-racial President why do they say Black? Inspiring stories of Athletes female and male alike, Religion, more on Addiction, Sexuality, and any number of things that piss me off. For those of you that follow me Thanks so much for doing so. I hope that some of what I write inspires you and makes you think in a different way. I hope I can be informative, and maybe good for a laugh when you have had a particulary shitty day, or if you are having a great day then I hope I say something to upset you! All kidding aside, wait I am serious...thanks for your support!