i make no excuses about who i am! love me, hate me, just read me!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Of Epitaphs and Porn

I've been juggling around two ideas for this blog post and I am thinking I will just go with the flow one blog post has to do with the other so....lets combine them shall we? When I heard the news about Bin Laden's killing I was happy inside like everyone else....he is akin to Hitler to me. Hope he is burning in hell quite honestly. When the news came out the other day that he had a porn collection, it well amazed me that this was the big news. Bin Ladens extensive porn collection, not the book with other plots in it, and the names of other terrorists who are to carry on... no the PORN was the news...big deal a man with several wives watches porn... well have you seen his wives? Seriously this whole thing got me thinking what the fuck would I be ashamed of if my family members had to come to my house today and go through my things if I heaven forbid, died? I don't have much to be ashamed of, maybe some random kotex that I did not dispose of properly but other than that not much. Oh and I do have sexy pictures of myself that I took for my love. I am completely clothed in them, just sexily suggestive, ok there is a shot of my ass in sheer underwear. I am not embarrassed of them though, I am really pretty proud of them. I look fucking hot...and my love thinks so. If that's the worst that I have then no worries here. Besides we got rid of the porn collection.

So what puts people off about porn? It is a recession proof business. It does not matter if the Dow Jones is up or down it matters if your mate is getting down to some double DD blonde.. instead  of you? Well ladies you know you watch porn too! Well at least have been curious. How do I know this? Yes I have watched it, but judging by the amount of pornshots I get on my phone I know for a fact a lot of women, at least the nasty beeyotches that are my friends look at it on some level.. and some of those messages are way too explicit for me! My kids and I shared my phone for a long time and  I finally had to tell my friend Lupe, "hey ugh my kids open those messages sometimes, you know the nasty ones you send me of some over sized penis or old  twat...", that one was the most disturbing to me, it scared me straight....I am and always have been straight by the way. Now that we have clarified that. So yeah porn the big news here...

Then I started thinking about my epitaph what would it read? Then I remembered I want to be cremated, not worm food.  I am gonna have to have some sampler made up so my daughters can hang it in their homes when I am dead and they can look at it and smile. Just don't hang up the sexy pics kids.....
That leads me to this question for you. What would you want your epitaph to read?

Frank Sinatra
 "The Best Is Yet To Come"

The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
"To Save Your World You Asked This Man To Die:
Would This Man, Could He See You Now, Ask Why?"

Jesse James
"Murdered By A Traitor And A Coward
Whose Name Is Not Worthy To Appear Here"

Bette Davis
"She Did It The Hard Way"

Mel Blanc
"That's All Folks"

Emily Dickinson
"Called Back"

You can google for some more, hmmm I don't know what I would want mine to say something funny for sure. Maybe something like;

In Memory of our Mother
She Sure Left An Impression On Us.....
When She Backhanded Us!
Oh Well The Jokes On Her
We Put Her Ashes In The
Kitty Litter

Im just sayin, highly girls are allergic to or hate cats......

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