Parable of the Proud Daughter: Supporting your Childs Decisions Even If Its Hard!

Sometimes as a parent it is hard to sit and watch you child's life unfold. The times when things are going well and they are successful make you proud of course and are a joy to watch. Those are automatic feelings that happen when pride swells your chest and you say "That's my kid!" to anyone who will listen. I have 3 wonderful daughters and sometimes I feel they only hear the negative things that I say. I know that's all I heard from my Dad. It took a long time to become a "better" parent, more mindful of things I say, even today I ranted and said "stupid" a few times. I am frustrated with "stuff" and I have a lot on my mind. I have been slipping in the praise department, and I know it.

I have my oldest daughter on my mind today as I request friends on Facebook to pray for her to make some hard decisions, that in part have come about because of someone else's irresponsibility's. Some were her own choices, but in the end most of the situation came from something that was not in her control. I selfishly want her to come home and live in my little house again. She has in the past and we have butted heads a lot! I think this time its different, no boyfriend drama is involved, shes an adult now and her son is going to be 4 this year. I think she knows she has to make some choices in his best interest. As much as I want them here so she can get on her feet, I know that is how much she wants to stand alone and be a grown up.

The fact is she is still my Baby, my first baby at that, and I have watched her successes and choices that have led her to a point she is at now happen. I wont call them mistakes or failures, because my grandson is not that. Getting pregnant with him at fifteen changed the way her life would go. I want her to believe that she can still attain her dreams, she has always wanted to work in the criminal justice system with at risk youth, kids like her. She has no high school diploma and tends to want everything to happen NOW! If she studies she will finish her math GED, she is a whiz at English, but math is  for her as it is for me, hard. Her time on welfare is running out, and though she is currently going to beauty school, she may have to take a leave or quit. Especially if she moves home with me. I keep telling her that she CAN finish her GED that she CAN go to college, that she CAN even join the armed services, or continue her education at a school like Fresno State. She is having a hard time believing that I think. Believing in herself. I will never stop believing in her ever, because she is MY kid, made up of the same indomitable DNA that I am. I never let anyone or anything hold me back, yet like her I am my own worst enemy when I fear failure! Sometimes letting my PRIDE get in my way and cloud my judgement. She is too big for this small town life and I know she wants to see more of the world, and I know that will one day take her away from me. For now though I want her home in our crazy little house, safe and sound like the "Prodigal Son". I told her last night that she needed to pray about her decision, and that I would be here for both she and my grandson, and I will be, whatever she decides, sometimes you need to let them fly, let them find themselves...even if it breaks your heart.
I spent a sleepless night and cried a lot. We never stop being Mama's even when they have babies of their own. Love you my Proud Daughter.

How One Father Continues His Daughters Legacy, Remembering Rachel Scott: The Colombine Tragedy 12 Years Later.

Today March 10, 2011 was a day that congress heard about bullying and its effects on our children. Tonight I had the privilege of being in the audience of a “Rachel’s Challenge” presentation. This presentation was done by her father Darrell Scott. Rachel Joy Scott was one of 13 people who lost their lives on April 20, 1999 in the tragic high school shooting at Colombine. It will be 12 years since Colombine happened, and in the years that have followed Darrell Scott has done presentations to educators and students about living the example that Rachel lived. In her short life Rachel impacted people with her kindness, she did this by reaching out to people that others in her school would not, the new kid, the kid with the disability, the loner. Rachel had done an essay 6 weeks before the tragedy about her ethics and talked about how simple kindness can go far in the lives of others, and she was right. Kindness or compassion for your fellow human being is something that is sorely lacking in our society today. How bold of her to go against the grain in high school, she was a true leader.

I took two of my daughters and my daughter’s boyfriend to this presentation that was more geared to adults in the community. I am glad I did, an hour before this presentation one was done for 430 children involved in afterschool programs in my county. In the presentation we went to they talked about the tragedy at Colombine and they showed footage of the shooting and the coverage on CNN, they don’t do this at the elementary level. My children were greatly impacted by that alone, but they were also touched by the part of the presentation that is more often shown to school children. Mr. Scott talked about the five challenges that are known collectively as “Rachels Challenge”.

1. Look for the best in others- eliminate prejudice

2. Dare to dream- set goals

3. Choose positive influences – input determines output.

4. Kind words and actions = huge results

5. Start a chain reaction with family and friends

He talked about the impacts his presentations have made, districts he has spoken at report drops in bullying in particular. He relayed statistics regarding children who have contacted him to say they were suicidal but because of the presentation that they took part in they realize that they too can help others. He spoke of the clubs that are created in elementary and high school levels and the acts of kindness these kids are doing. Rachel had a vision and her father is carrying that vision forward. I don’t know how he does it or how he looks at the slideshows of his daughter and what a beautiful person she was without losing it. He speaks of her with great pride and he should, Rachel will long be remembered in the hearts of many who never even met her.

He spoke of the integrity with which his daughter chose to live her life and the fact that she knew she was going to touch millions of people’s lives. Rachel Scott predicted that she would be the victim of a homicide, and that she would not live to be 20. Of course when I listened I got chills as he spoke of his daughter and her predictions. One of Rachel's heroines and influences was Anne Frank and many of her ethics or belief system mirrored Anne’s. Tragically and ironically Rachel was killed on Hitler’s Birthday, a day specifically chosen by the Colombine gunmen. The similarities and parallels in these young women’s lives are remarkable. How can two young women born decades apart touch the lives of millions after their tragic deaths. Their journals both have played a part in the legacy that they have left behind.  I for one am speechless which doesn’t happen very often. I am in awe that they both speak of kindness and compassion in terms so relative to all of us. How our kindness on a daily level can change the world in many far reaching ways that we cannot even begin to realize. How amazing is it that we have the ability to continue their legacy? That my child or yours can be affected by it. That I could embark on my own journey of kindness, you don’t need anything special, you don’t have to pay for it, its something that is innate in all of us already. It is called humanity. I hope that this comes to all of the local schools as a presentation. I hope it comes to your community and I would hope that “Rachel’s Challenge” creates an even bigger movement towards kindness than it already has. If you would like more information about this program you can go to http://www.rachelschallenge.org/   and you can also go to the http://foundationforabetterlife.com/   to find out more information about the things you can do to make the world a kinder place. As Rachel said “You may just start a chain reaction.”

You Can Lead A Teenager To Church But How Long Did They Whine Before You Got There?

I announced to my lovelies today that We would be going to church tommorrow and they all whined. Maybe it is because we are returning to our old church, the one I wanted them to be more involved in but they refused. We went every Sunday and Wednesday for almost 4 years and they always went to the adult service more often than not, and then when I started my present job we just stopped going. My kids are not very social beings, at least my two oldest aren't and I don't know if that is my fault, because I myself am not extremely outgoing. My youngest lovelie is more of a social being than any of us, I just think that she is less prone to worry about peoples judgement. A carefree type of personality who can adjust to any situation. My two oldest are protesting that they don't have anything to wear as if God himself was Ms. Jay from the show Top Model and he was going to call them out for wearing jeans and a tee. Maybe if they went to the youth group they would see every other teen in the same getup. Hmmmm......but what do I know.

The next issue with going to church for my oldest heathen, err.. I mean lovelie is that she doesn't not believe in God and so why should she have to go since she is 18. The only reason I wanted her to go was to take my grandson and to get him into the nursery there so that he can become more socialized. I would take him but really it is up to his mother how she wants to raise him, and though my hopes would be that there would be some place for spirituality in his life it isn't going to happen until she or he is ready. What gets me is for someone who does not believe in God they sure call out to him a lot when the are frustrated...... That brings me to middle lovelie who did not complain earlier too much when I told her, it was only after I refused to allow her to "strip" her hair, which much to my protests she died black a while back. Stripping the hair is not bleaching the hair Mom.....yeah it is I went to Lyles Beauty College and yes it is bleaching the hair. Another barb for me is that she goes to youth group on Wednesday nights with her boyfriend at a different church altogether. Maybe if he went to our old church she would be up and ready to dance in the aisles and praise the Lord. Do I really want to sit in church with a noncompliant sullen faced angsty teen....who would probably try to text throught the whole service! Blechhhhh!!!!!

So here I am feeling like I am forcefeeding religion on my kids and the sad part is I am. When they were younger they really had no options but to go. Now that they are older and make a lot of their own decisions do I let them stay home? Do I insist they follow my lead under false pretenses. I guess who ever is ready when I leave the house will go with me and if its only my youngest lovelie then that is how it will be.

I need this spiritual renewal. I need to be filled up so that I can pour out what is in me. I am not some Bible thumper or religious zealot. I am a normal frazzled mom of three and Glamma to 1 who finds that when I get my spiritual hunger fed I am a lot more likeable person, I like myself and I tend to make better choices plus my blood pressure goes down and decreases my wrinkle probability. So I am going to go for me without any expectation for my kids to go and then maybe just maybe one day they will follow. I am going to ask for special prayer about that in prayer circle tommorrow.

Special Footnote:
I had just finished this when my youngest came up to me and asked me, "whatcha doin?" I said, "blogging.." then she saw the title and she said, "Oh its about those two" I said, "yes those two assholes...." She confirmed my suspicions that she was going with me and we high fived...as she sat and watched me write this footnote she saw that I referred to her sissies as "assholes" and said, "Arent you going to church tommorrow?" with a giggle...well yeah I am a work in progress.