Bullying Is Everyones Problem

I have been wanting to write this for a week now, but being sick I was unable to until today. The reason I became inspired to write this was because of a newscast that I heard. Graduations were happening all over the states and here locally. I was listening to the news and heard a reporter say, "Local teens want to remember student who killed himself at graduation with an empty chair, their principal won't allow it for fear it will upset the bullies who led him to commit suicide."  Yes that is what I heard, at the time it created such an anger in me that I sat and spewed obscenities at the t.v. "Fuck those bullies, were they thinking of this kid or his parents when they were taunting him? Fuck them I hope they all suffer!" My daughter asked me what I was talking about and I told her and she said "Wow!" which is her way of saying "HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT!" As you can see it still creates such a reaction in me that I cannot think of any other way to channel this but to blog about it!

When society places concern for a bully above the memory of a victim and the feeling of the victims family there is a serious problem. Don't get all crazy on me, I have heard of the young man accused of bullying who took his life too, and I have every sympathy for that family as well. A good upstanding family. What created this need to bully in their child, what creates it in any child? Why is it so prevalent today? I only believe it is more noticeable today, and that it is only recently that it has garnered a spotlight because of  its inundation on social media. I was bullied way before Facebook and Myspace, way before youtube.com and way before 4g technology on phones enabled recording of fights.

This is a list of reasons that I have come up with that I was bullied continuously from my earliest memory of bullying to my last. I was bullied as early as 3rd grade when I cut my hair short got called everything from a beetle to a boy how original....here are the rest.....
1. hair cut short
2. being smart, being teachers pet
3. being liked by boys
4. having breasts develop before others
5. being a "whitewashed mexican"
6. thinking I was "too good"
7. not being thin enough
8. having an ass that boys looked at
9. being shy
10. not fitting in
11. being gossiped about as being sexually active when I was not
12. not fighting back
13. being pretty
14. being ugly
15. accused of being gay
16. having a locker next to a cheerleader
17. for being me.....

I actually cried as I wrote this because peoples bullying of me has had a profound effect on my life, it created a lot of doubt in a frail developing person. I began to hate myself and to not want to exist. I withdrew emotionally and stopped attending school because it was a nightmare to go to everyday. I know that a lot of people that knew me back then had no clue at the time that I was so distraught, I hid it very well, by being rebellious and  covering my pain up with humor. My parents had no clue, all they knew was that I went from this smart bright kid to someone they did not recognize in a period of 5 years. The most crucial years from seventh grade to senior year. I hate that part of my life and the power I let others have over me.

In high school believe it or not I wore a smocked blouse to school at orientation, and I was gossiped about as being pregnant I was also bullied by boys who probably had a crush on me... I just didn't know it. It was also during this period that a girl whose initials were LB and was a year under me bullied me the most next to my other bully who I will talk about next. LB had a locker near mine and she made sure to stand in my way daily, sidling up to her boyfriend in typical socie, cheerleader fashion. She would not move and when I would ask her she would mutter things under her breath and call me things like fat, ugly, loser....this went on for the whole year, at the end of the year she took a picture of me, that she had access to because she was on the yearbook staff I believe, if she wasn't a friend of hers was. She photocopied it and posted it on the entrance of the language arts building with the words LOST, implying that I was a dog..luckily someone took it down before I saw it. I still get upset that I did not beat the shit out of her to this day! Because if I could go back in time and beat the HOLY shit out of her I would, terrible I know my teenage self still hates her! Really I feel sorry for her because she had issues of her own obviously.

My last experience with a bully in which I took control, came after several years of torture from a supposed cousin, who called me a bitch daily, people, daily! From seventh grade all the way to junior year! I guess she thought I was trying to be too much of a chola encroaching on her little clique or whatever, I did try to fit in with the little homie element but thank God I got over that really quick! They considered me too whitewashed, too good. Which looking back on it now is laughable! Finally one day passing through the narrow Biology hall, she whispered "bitch" into my ear, I stopped and said "look if I am such a bitch then do something about it!Now... oh that's right your little friends aren't here to back you up.... so will you please leave me the fuck alone!" I don't know where that Krisann came from, but pretty much from that day on I claimed my power over my bullies. It was freeing and empowering. I still had problems with depression  but never acted on thoughts of suicide. I was lucky.

Today the shift in bullying takes on  a sexual aspect and that is very dangerous thing. Where girls like myself may be bullied for their supposed sexual activity, kids today are bullied for their sexual identity. If you present as  too feminine, or too butch you are a target. Looking back at all of the people I grew up with there is not one that I can say I did not know they were either gay or lesbian. You knew...it was unspoken. It was never threatening to me though because their sexuality didn't really matter to me they were first and foremost my friends. Now that I am a parent I listen to my kids and their experiences and I thank God he prepared me to handle bullying. They have been bullied about their race and sexuality. They've been called faggot or dike. They are all girls by the way.... I would not care if they came up to me and said,"Mom I am gay..", it'd be like telling me they want gravy on their potatoes, I'd say "ok."  If they told me they were suicidal then it would be a big deal and I would be the light they needed to make it through the darkness, after all isn't that what a parent is supposed to do?

Yesterday I took the pledge to stop bullying when I see it happening http://www.itgetsbetter.org/page/s/pledge/  I want to encourage you to do the same. To learn more about the pledge go to this link http://www.itgetsbetter.org/  and this link http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Bullying is everybodies problem, you just don't realize it until it happens to you....



This is the first in a series of blogs dedicated to tolerance....

PREFACE TO THIS MONTHS BLOG TOPICS... RACISM AND BULLYING

This month I want to focus on the topic of tolerance, racial, and sexual as in identity. The fact that the mere mention of this creates a tension, or uneasiness in some people and they will automatically tune out and leave my page before reading it, well those are the people I encourage to stay! I want to talk about mine and my families experiences personally with bullying and racism, these topics are not about all light and sweetness they are about perceptions that I grew up with because of certain attitudes I was raised around. I want to warn you that this blog will have narrative that some will find upsetting and it is not my intention to offend anyone or upset them, rather to tell my story and my families. I want to talk about bullying and how prevalent it is in our society and how bullying of LGBT (lesbian,gay,bisexual,transgender) teens has been on the rise. I want to talk about how social media, and how media in general is playing a great role in teaching globally the impact of bullying. I want to talk about the pledge I took yesterday to stop bullying when I see it happening. I will provide links to organizations and would love feedback on organizations that you may be involved in that promote positivity and find solutions. I hope to encourage you to be involved to become proactive in the world you live in. Take a stand to make this world a better place.

How One Father Continues His Daughters Legacy, Remembering Rachel Scott: The Colombine Tragedy 12 Years Later.

Today March 10, 2011 was a day that congress heard about bullying and its effects on our children. Tonight I had the privilege of being in the audience of a “Rachel’s Challenge” presentation. This presentation was done by her father Darrell Scott. Rachel Joy Scott was one of 13 people who lost their lives on April 20, 1999 in the tragic high school shooting at Colombine. It will be 12 years since Colombine happened, and in the years that have followed Darrell Scott has done presentations to educators and students about living the example that Rachel lived. In her short life Rachel impacted people with her kindness, she did this by reaching out to people that others in her school would not, the new kid, the kid with the disability, the loner. Rachel had done an essay 6 weeks before the tragedy about her ethics and talked about how simple kindness can go far in the lives of others, and she was right. Kindness or compassion for your fellow human being is something that is sorely lacking in our society today. How bold of her to go against the grain in high school, she was a true leader.

I took two of my daughters and my daughter’s boyfriend to this presentation that was more geared to adults in the community. I am glad I did, an hour before this presentation one was done for 430 children involved in afterschool programs in my county. In the presentation we went to they talked about the tragedy at Colombine and they showed footage of the shooting and the coverage on CNN, they don’t do this at the elementary level. My children were greatly impacted by that alone, but they were also touched by the part of the presentation that is more often shown to school children. Mr. Scott talked about the five challenges that are known collectively as “Rachels Challenge”.

1. Look for the best in others- eliminate prejudice

2. Dare to dream- set goals

3. Choose positive influences – input determines output.

4. Kind words and actions = huge results

5. Start a chain reaction with family and friends

He talked about the impacts his presentations have made, districts he has spoken at report drops in bullying in particular. He relayed statistics regarding children who have contacted him to say they were suicidal but because of the presentation that they took part in they realize that they too can help others. He spoke of the clubs that are created in elementary and high school levels and the acts of kindness these kids are doing. Rachel had a vision and her father is carrying that vision forward. I don’t know how he does it or how he looks at the slideshows of his daughter and what a beautiful person she was without losing it. He speaks of her with great pride and he should, Rachel will long be remembered in the hearts of many who never even met her.

He spoke of the integrity with which his daughter chose to live her life and the fact that she knew she was going to touch millions of people’s lives. Rachel Scott predicted that she would be the victim of a homicide, and that she would not live to be 20. Of course when I listened I got chills as he spoke of his daughter and her predictions. One of Rachel's heroines and influences was Anne Frank and many of her ethics or belief system mirrored Anne’s. Tragically and ironically Rachel was killed on Hitler’s Birthday, a day specifically chosen by the Colombine gunmen. The similarities and parallels in these young women’s lives are remarkable. How can two young women born decades apart touch the lives of millions after their tragic deaths. Their journals both have played a part in the legacy that they have left behind.  I for one am speechless which doesn’t happen very often. I am in awe that they both speak of kindness and compassion in terms so relative to all of us. How our kindness on a daily level can change the world in many far reaching ways that we cannot even begin to realize. How amazing is it that we have the ability to continue their legacy? That my child or yours can be affected by it. That I could embark on my own journey of kindness, you don’t need anything special, you don’t have to pay for it, its something that is innate in all of us already. It is called humanity. I hope that this comes to all of the local schools as a presentation. I hope it comes to your community and I would hope that “Rachel’s Challenge” creates an even bigger movement towards kindness than it already has. If you would like more information about this program you can go to http://www.rachelschallenge.org/   and you can also go to the http://foundationforabetterlife.com/   to find out more information about the things you can do to make the world a kinder place. As Rachel said “You may just start a chain reaction.”