Parable of the Proud Daughter: Supporting your Childs Decisions Even If Its Hard!

Sometimes as a parent it is hard to sit and watch you child's life unfold. The times when things are going well and they are successful make you proud of course and are a joy to watch. Those are automatic feelings that happen when pride swells your chest and you say "That's my kid!" to anyone who will listen. I have 3 wonderful daughters and sometimes I feel they only hear the negative things that I say. I know that's all I heard from my Dad. It took a long time to become a "better" parent, more mindful of things I say, even today I ranted and said "stupid" a few times. I am frustrated with "stuff" and I have a lot on my mind. I have been slipping in the praise department, and I know it.

I have my oldest daughter on my mind today as I request friends on Facebook to pray for her to make some hard decisions, that in part have come about because of someone else's irresponsibility's. Some were her own choices, but in the end most of the situation came from something that was not in her control. I selfishly want her to come home and live in my little house again. She has in the past and we have butted heads a lot! I think this time its different, no boyfriend drama is involved, shes an adult now and her son is going to be 4 this year. I think she knows she has to make some choices in his best interest. As much as I want them here so she can get on her feet, I know that is how much she wants to stand alone and be a grown up.

The fact is she is still my Baby, my first baby at that, and I have watched her successes and choices that have led her to a point she is at now happen. I wont call them mistakes or failures, because my grandson is not that. Getting pregnant with him at fifteen changed the way her life would go. I want her to believe that she can still attain her dreams, she has always wanted to work in the criminal justice system with at risk youth, kids like her. She has no high school diploma and tends to want everything to happen NOW! If she studies she will finish her math GED, she is a whiz at English, but math is  for her as it is for me, hard. Her time on welfare is running out, and though she is currently going to beauty school, she may have to take a leave or quit. Especially if she moves home with me. I keep telling her that she CAN finish her GED that she CAN go to college, that she CAN even join the armed services, or continue her education at a school like Fresno State. She is having a hard time believing that I think. Believing in herself. I will never stop believing in her ever, because she is MY kid, made up of the same indomitable DNA that I am. I never let anyone or anything hold me back, yet like her I am my own worst enemy when I fear failure! Sometimes letting my PRIDE get in my way and cloud my judgement. She is too big for this small town life and I know she wants to see more of the world, and I know that will one day take her away from me. For now though I want her home in our crazy little house, safe and sound like the "Prodigal Son". I told her last night that she needed to pray about her decision, and that I would be here for both she and my grandson, and I will be, whatever she decides, sometimes you need to let them fly, let them find themselves...even if it breaks your heart.
I spent a sleepless night and cried a lot. We never stop being Mama's even when they have babies of their own. Love you my Proud Daughter.

"I am sooo not like you!" YOU WANNA BET!

Some things are expected in life, some are planned for, and yet others come out of the blue. Some things you see coming and some things in life blindside you and leave you feeling numb. It seems as if today was all of those things for me and as much as I feel sad about things that happened today I also know they happen for a reason. Oldest lovelie decided to tell me she was moving back with her Aunt and that I was by her account a terrible mother, who depended on her too much. Who was never there for her when she needed me, who had essentially failed her. She is right about some of that. It is funny though how we see things when we are 19. Today being her birthday, she gave me heck 19 years ago in the delivery room and ever since then we have had a love-hate relationship. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, I just don't like her very much right now. Perhaps because she is like me in alot of ways and not like me in a lot of ways.

So here I am after our argument forced to look at myself again, like I was last year at this time, because she moved out then too. Then she came back and caused a lot of changes to happen in my otherwise running smoothly household. So here we are and I have to say that though I will miss my grandson I will not miss the drama that has happened in the house the last 6 months. This is giving me the opportunity to realign my self and look at my goals, just as I have encouraged her to do. She has always demanded a lot of attention and unfortunately I don't have enough to go around. She is after all 19 and she chose her path when she decided not to listen to me at age 15. So here she is a teen mom with no diploma, no job, on welfare. I only hope that she realizes that she needs to make her life better, get her education and move forward in a positive way.

In saying this I am forcing myself to do the same thing working on ones self is a lifetime project. I've made mistakes and choices that she watched and learned from. She being the oldest took on a lot of responsibility at a much younger age than her two siblings. They are very different from her. I asked them today if I was a terrible parent, to which they said "No Mom!" I know that I am doing the best I can but I also know I can do better. So what is stopping me? The fear of failure? The unkown, taking a risk. Life is about all of those things and so in her leaving I am learning that it is time for me. I don't have any excuses anymore no little ones to  worry about, no reasons except the money reason that I should not finish my schooling but that is an excuse that can be fixed. So here we go the both of us into this new adventure awaiting us.

I believe in her and I know that she can do it, but she has to believe in herself. That goes for me too! Like Mother like daughter!