PONYTAILS, BANKRUPTCY AND POLITCALLY CORRECT TERMS OVERSHADOW GABBYS GOLD MEDALS...BUT NOT FOR LONG!

I have not seen one moment of the 2012 Olympics. I have heard a lot about Gabby Douglas, a gulp, "African American" and her hair, and the fact that her Mother filed bankruptcy earlier this year. I don't even know how many medals shes won. Gymnastics is one of my favorite sports to watch. I remember wanting to follow after Nadia Comaneci and her perfect 10's. I walked faithfully to practice at the high school which was about 3 miles from my house but I went anyway. My parents let me go, but they did not have money for me to pursue anything seriously. For them it was a way for me to be busy while they both worked. For me it was a dream to be able to stand on the balance beam or swing on the parallel bars. I was actually the first one in class to do the splits...alongside other girls who had taken years of dance already. My dreams ended when the class did. I still followed competitions when they were on and like lots of other little girls who are watching Gabby Douglas today I was content to be the spectator.
I go to my homepage and see that the media is more focused on how Douglas wears her hair. She wears it like lots of other gymnasts, in a ponytail, quite sensible I would say. Would they care how she wore her hair if she wasn't African American. How do they think all the other American (Caucasian) and European and Asian gymnast wear their hair? Is she supposed to wear cornrows or quadruple braids? Hairstyles worn by some "African American" little girls? I don't get it...can we focus on her Olympian feats instead of her hair?
 Douglas was not the medias "Darling" coming into these Olympic games, Jordyn Weiber was the medias pick. The odds on favorite, Weiber who was touted as the next Marylou, the next Nadia, was out of contention. Guess how she wears her hair? Yep in that sensible ponytail. In a twist here is a photo of Weiber in cornrows..

"African American"? I don't care if shes Mexican American, Italian American or German American...Douglas is American. I get offended when people say aren't you Mexican...ugh no I was born here. I consider myself American. Who cares? Its obvious I am of Mexican descent. Nationality, ethnicity, race, color whatever you want to call it. These athletes are competing for America, Team USA. Lets applaud their hard work and  merits.

Then there is the news that Olympian Ryan Lochte's parents are facing foreclosure and that Douglas' Mother had filed bankruptcy earlier this year. Douglas' Mother, Natalie Hawkins a single mother of four filed bankruptcy. So what. So did I, oh but that's right I am not the mother of an Olympian, (not yet anyway). I know I personally make a lot of sacrifices for my children, especially my football/baseball playing daughter. Hawkins had to get her daughter the best coach she could and that meant sending her 3,000 miles away from home to fulfill her dreams. Dreams and hard work that obviously paid off. How many people in the United States have not filed bankruptcy this year? It doesn't make any difference to me. This only solidifies my belief that some athletes are cut from a different cloth, and that those who pursue the greatness they are destined for achieve a lot of the success that they do because their parents and others, coaches, and in Douglas' case host families make a lot of sacrifices. Sacrifice is the word that comes to mind when I hear about the parents of these wonderful athletes. It is not easy to let your child move away to train, or to find the money to do it. No one is investing in these athletes future, no one but their parents, families, coaches and them. That the hard work pays off is the cherry on top. After all the Olympic gold medal is only monetarily worth 644 dollars, but in terms of endorsements and future earnings well its value is something these athletes aren't even thinking about when they are training or competing. I think whatever Douglas does she has a bright future ahead of her regardless of her hair or the fact that her Mom filed bankruptcy. I for one am glad to see all little girls realize that they have a heroine they can identify with, child of a single mom, with good sensible values, and a dream that she has just realized.

Sharing your cleavage on Facebook is inappropriate if you are over 40.....ahhh bite me!

So at what age are we supposed to stop being sexy? When is it that a woman has to watch for the type of profile picture we put on our Facebook page. Just a thought today as a friend of a friend had someone report her profile picture as inappropriate, yet I myself have seen the offending picture and it is quite harmless! So a lil cleavage shows and its not much by the way...its a tasteful picture of a woman who is also a MOM, a single mom at that, who just turned 40 and looks and feels great about who she is. So whats wrong with being sexy over 40....well shit then I better go hide my cleavage away since I am not only a mom but a granny too!

I am 45 and feel that I am way more sexier now than I ever was before...even if I have grandma arms and some extra fluffiness. I'm pretty confident and feel good about myself most of the time. Then there are days like today where I look and feel like a frumpy granny...my roots have not been done, my skin is showing sun spots, I'm in jammy pants and a grease stained tee and heaven forbid my most mortal frump I have dreaded swapmeet feet! There is nothing that takes away more from a pretty woman who looks great and is dressed well, than when she has on sandals or flipflops and her feet look like she walked through the swapmeet. You know you have seen them,dry cracked and craggy heels, polish chipping on overgrown toenails. Let me just add this footnote bwaaahhaahahh! I love my feet, I have a big foot fetish and love beautifully pedicured feet! I have terribly neglected them for 4 weeks now and they are horrid it took a lot out of me to post the following pics but hey if you've seen me at my worst then you will appreciate me at my best!Wow writing that makes me want to go dye my roots and give myself a pedi! So yeah today is not my sexiest day.

But what if it was, what if I took this beautiful picture and I wanted to share with the world how wonderful I looked in that minute. What if I wanted to let the world know that damn for a 45 year old grandma I look pretty damned good. What if I felt confident and great about myself? What if I wanted to see comments from my friends that said "You Look Mahvelous" or "SEXY MAMA", what if a friends friend saw it and decided that I, as a mother of 3 daughters and grandma to one spirited boy had no business showing you my cleavage, or acting that way at all! What the fuck people! Worry about yourselves...if you don't like my cleavage then don't look at it but don't hate me because I feel good about myself. Maybe tomorrow I won't feel so confident, maybe tomorrow I will stand in the mirror and feel like I am too fat, too ugly and too old to be SEXY. I don't need to let some idiot that I don't even know give me a complex, because damn it took me 40 plus years to love myself. So sorry if you have not gotten there yet! SEXINESS is only accumulated over time by women who have earned the right to their self esteem. If you have ever hated your looks you will understand that phrase...there is no man or no other person that I will allow to define me as a woman....I earned that after having three babies, 1 miscarriage, 1 tubal pregnancy, gallstone surgery, gaining 40 pounds and getting my prematurely grey hair, living through domestic violence and homelessness, surviving my loves addiction, yup for sure I earned the right to feel good about who I am today!

So let me challenge all you NOT UR TYPICAL Glammas and single Mamas out there to love yourself and post the picture of yourself you think you look and felt the most beautiful in... do it already you have earned the right to share your sexiness...this ones for you Denise!

Terminal illness makes you an unfit parent...The Alaina Giordano Case

I am pretty pissed off this morning. I like Mike Galanos of Headline News on my Facebook Page and one of the stories highlighted on his feed is the case of Alaina Giordano. She is a single mom of two who was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. She divorced her husband  a year or so ago, he moved to Chicago. She stayed in Durham, North Carolina where she is receiving treatment at Duke for her illness. The female judge cited the fact that her terminal illness was a deciding factor in giving custody to the children's father. As Alaina Giordano herself said on a recent interview, none of us knows when we are going to die. The judge also cited that she was unemployed, shes been making it financially so far so thats just a buncha caca. My issue is that she left her husband because he was abusive...don't know all of the details but she was diagnosed prior to her divorce. Is he really the fit parent of the two? He has a job, that is not going to make him a better parent...the judge even said it would be easier for her to move to Chicago..what an asinine comment!
If her ex had any concern for his kids he would not be dragging their mother through court at a time like this and instead think of their  mental well being. Its devastating enough to know that your mother is going to die from a disease like Cancer, let alone to know that you may not be there to make those memories that would keep her alive in you. Her children are quite young 11, and almost 6, impressionable and so needing their Mom at this age. I would wish that he move to where she lives, that he have the compassion to think of the mother of his children as someone he once loved. Together they could work on the future of their kids, that he allow them this time with her no matter how long, 5 months or 20 years. After all they, the kids, are what is important here.
If this ruling is allowed to stand think of the precedent it would set, that a parent with a terminal illness, cancer, AIDS, or worse yet degenerative diseases like MS and or Parkinson's could risk losing the custody of their children.What do you think?

"I am sooo not like you!" YOU WANNA BET!

Some things are expected in life, some are planned for, and yet others come out of the blue. Some things you see coming and some things in life blindside you and leave you feeling numb. It seems as if today was all of those things for me and as much as I feel sad about things that happened today I also know they happen for a reason. Oldest lovelie decided to tell me she was moving back with her Aunt and that I was by her account a terrible mother, who depended on her too much. Who was never there for her when she needed me, who had essentially failed her. She is right about some of that. It is funny though how we see things when we are 19. Today being her birthday, she gave me heck 19 years ago in the delivery room and ever since then we have had a love-hate relationship. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, I just don't like her very much right now. Perhaps because she is like me in alot of ways and not like me in a lot of ways.

So here I am after our argument forced to look at myself again, like I was last year at this time, because she moved out then too. Then she came back and caused a lot of changes to happen in my otherwise running smoothly household. So here we are and I have to say that though I will miss my grandson I will not miss the drama that has happened in the house the last 6 months. This is giving me the opportunity to realign my self and look at my goals, just as I have encouraged her to do. She has always demanded a lot of attention and unfortunately I don't have enough to go around. She is after all 19 and she chose her path when she decided not to listen to me at age 15. So here she is a teen mom with no diploma, no job, on welfare. I only hope that she realizes that she needs to make her life better, get her education and move forward in a positive way.

In saying this I am forcing myself to do the same thing working on ones self is a lifetime project. I've made mistakes and choices that she watched and learned from. She being the oldest took on a lot of responsibility at a much younger age than her two siblings. They are very different from her. I asked them today if I was a terrible parent, to which they said "No Mom!" I know that I am doing the best I can but I also know I can do better. So what is stopping me? The fear of failure? The unkown, taking a risk. Life is about all of those things and so in her leaving I am learning that it is time for me. I don't have any excuses anymore no little ones to  worry about, no reasons except the money reason that I should not finish my schooling but that is an excuse that can be fixed. So here we go the both of us into this new adventure awaiting us.

I believe in her and I know that she can do it, but she has to believe in herself. That goes for me too! Like Mother like daughter!

TRUST ME, IF I WAS A POLE DANCER MY KIDS WOULD STARVE!

On a quick trip to the mall today my daughters and I were on our way out and passed one of those kiosks, the kind that sell those ceramic hair straighteners, body jewelery and catchy catch phrase t-shirts. Well it was one of those t-shirts that's totally adding fuel to my firing blog tonight. Its a curvaceous image of a woman with long flowing hair, dancing.....dancing on a pole. It said, "I Support Single Moms". So WOW that seems to be the consensus of a nation. If not that one, then certainly that we single moms are raising "future strippers and future criminals and outcasts" as one Ann Coulter would have you believe anyway. She parlayed her right wing views into a much overemphasized 15 minutes of fame last year with her "beliefs". So how does it make me, a single mom feel when I read this kinda of crap or hear it? Yep it irritates me because I think I am doing one of the, if not the hardest job in the world....solo.

Let me tell you if I was out there stripping my kids would starve... so it is just better that I drive a bus and hope that my writing takes off one day in the real world and not just in my dreams.

It is those dreams that a lot of single moms give up, making hard thought sacrifices for the kids they love. In my grandparent's generation single moms were usually due to husbands who died in a war leaving behind widows, these women were treated with honor as they should have been. It does not mean that the path ahead of them was smooth.  According to the census which classifies single moms in "The Other Household Families" one era in particular spawned one social impact which created a big increase in the number of single mother households. It was in the 60's and 70's divorce was the big taboo that no one dared even talk about. Single mothers of that era were portrayed as divorcees, incapable of making their man happy at home or too busy finding the feminist side of themselves to worry about the fact that their family was falling apart. They wanted to be the Ms. not the Mrs. Popular culture has a way of taking what is going on in the world and blaming it on the destruction of the nuclear family. Whether what is going on is for the good or the bad. In the 80's and 90's media had us believing that women were so caught up in their careers and shattering those glass ceilings that only men were traditionally supposed to do, that they forgot that their clocks were ticking and chose to go the route of single parenting. As the movie "Baby Boom" which I loved by the way, would have you believe that being a single corporate climbing mom is comical and in the end your kids who are your inspiration make anything possible, even a happy ending.

In my era, media would have you believe single moms are single handedly contributing to the downfall of society as we once knew it. I have to sigh and roll my eyes at this point because it has taken me a long time to get to this stage in my life. You know the one. Where you really do not care what anyone thinks of you. Well that is where I am. But that shirt pissed me off and the comments that were made by Ann Coulter pissed me off. I don't know what her mom status is but who the heck is she to talk crap about moms like me? I am a woman who for any number of reasons is a single mom not by choice. Because I would so love to have a partner that would be solid and stable and be everything that I needed in mine and my kids life. My girl's dad is an addict and is not the best person for himself right now let alone us. I have never had another serious relationship with anyone else because I had girl's and did not want a strange man around them when they were younger. I wasn't consumed by needing a man in my life. I always assumed I could do it alone. The mountains that are placed in front of me are challenges and I always find a way to be resourceful, climb over it, go around. Or just doze my way through it. A lot of people think I am this strong, ballsy, kinda outta her mind gal that never breaks.  I do secretly break in my quiet alone times and have a good cry. I do feel pressure as a single mom to do for my kids. I feel guilty when I do for myself. Heck I broke down and bought new underwear this week four bras and 6 pretty underwear, I felt bad till I looked at my sparse worn collection of undies and the two bras that had broken under wires. I spent a whole 23 dollars on this stuff at a discount store and let me tell you it took a few days for the guilt to wear off. How crazy is that? So yes we single moms do without or sacrifice or push ourselves that much harder to be successful, because we want our children to make better choices and have better lives.

I know a lot of single moms and everyone of them has done the best that they could and not one of them is a pole dancer!  So there! So what if any of them were, how skewed is the view that a single mom who works and pays taxes and is not a burden on the welfare system is something to joke about? I think in the past it was not the norm and women were made to feel that they needed to have it all, and a man too, that a myth was born. That we do not want a "normal" family. If normal is a man that lies, or drinks or has some other addiction, or beats us up, or cheats on us, or grows tired of being with us, or only marries us because we are pregnant, or wants us to be a subservient good wife, or maybe we just grow apart, then I do not want normal. I like who I am and maybe in the future there will be time for me, but for now my focus is on my daughters and my grandson, yes I have a teen mom  for a daughter but that is another blog. She is also a single mom and you know what I have told her..... no man will ever complete you until you complete yourself, go to college get an education, be more than the sum of someones beliefs about you. Because really all that matters at the end of the day when you are putting your baby to sleep is that you know you are doing the best you can for him. So she lives with me, helps me pay the rent and she is going to start community college in the January. My kids are smart, well mannered, not into drugs and they do not get into trouble, they are all unique and wonderful people who have a lot to offer this world. My oldest wants to get her degree in Psychology, my youngest wants to be the first woman player in the NFL, and my middle has not quite decided but wants to have a happy life full of adventure.

I think that shows the world that I am not half bad at doing this singlemomming thing. "Baby Boom" did get that part right, for all the drivel that is written or said about us single moms creating an era of fatherless children, we are at our best as single moms when our kids are our inspiration. I know I would not be where I am right now without them, they keep me wanting more, they keep me in tears and in laughter, and prolonged periods of bliss and joy on the days they aren't making me want to run away and join the circus, that is. They are the reason I write, heck they are the reason that I breathe, and they are my inspiration and my happy ending.

Not Ur Typical Gma
Who Cares Where You Come From, Its Where You Are Going That Matters!



Krisann Gonzales is a single mom who drives a bus by day, and has a secret identity as blogger Not Ur Typical Gma who blogs about how she lives her REAL life and  how others perceive it in her blog "True Confessions Of A Welfare Mother" at noturtypicalgma.blogspot.com/
this post was posted on PIC Blogs via Diary of a Single Mom unfortunately it got lost in their shuffle at Christmas time and  it did not get posted when it was supposed to . They were supposed to repost it but flaked out I guess, and I think my blog was pretty damned good compared to the others yeah really good so what I am full of myself  the new moon is in my house I have every right to be according to my horoscope, so I am finally posting it on my site, this is what they had asked me to write about... hope you like it.

"Diary of a Single Mom" rings sooooo true....

What am I doing up at this hour? Its raining outside, the kids are asleep, the house is making  settling sounds and I am on my blogher.com and I come across a post about this PIC series "Diary of a Single Mom" and at first I was like YAWN..... but then I kept on watching the episodes and let me tell you they ring sooo true. Some of them are a little overdramaticized and kinda stereotypical but really as I watch more I find it speaking to me, especially this episode http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1641244102?bctid=52215407001
The shows heroine Ocean learns that having dreams and wants as a single mom is so vital to moving forward in her own life and bettering her life for her children. Made me wanna prioritize more..... thanks DOASM . I am looking forward to seeing more episodes and following the growth of the characters!
So check it out on who woulda thought, the Public Internet Channel? I love it~NotUrTypicalGma

"religion" and "politics" versus "real life" and the "A" word...

Do you notice how in these election times the issue of the day becomes abortion? There I said it the dreaded "A" word. It is the hot button topic on a good portion of todays candidates agendas, especially here in California. This is when religious groups also promote their beliefs the most, during election time. So much for keeping church and state seperate. It is even the topic of the day in my little central California town. Our local newspaper has run articles for the second or third year about teenage pregnancy. This year they added a story about the fact that a young woman interviewed for the article under conditions of anonymity talk about her abortion experience. Then in todays paper there was an article about a teen who came forward in the public eye and talked about her abortion, and how at the time she thought it was the best decision for her, but now with renewed faith she talks about being pro-life and even shared her story at a faith based rally against abortion. I am glad she came forward about her situation but I do not feel that she has the right to put her beliefs on me or my daughters. Say what ever you want I am all for free speech! I do it all the time! I just feel that by saying that she felt overwhelmingly depressed over her choices and that through faith she was set free, is a dangerous prescription for the next young girl in her situation. Why? Faith is not the cure all for everything that ails you. I also feel counseling is important in working through any choices that one makes, like deciding to have an abortion. Faith has saved me many times but until and unless I addressed the deeper issues that caused my actions faith was not going to heal me alone. I find that it is not only my walk with God but my choices that shape the outcome of my future. That is quite obvious one would think. Is God going to cast me out of the opportunity of eternal life because of my sins? That is not the God I know. Because if that were the case I suppose I would burn in hell for my multitude of transgressions.

One of them being to choose the alternative to having a fourth child. I chose instead to have an abortion. I do not say "alternative" as cold and callously as you read it. It was a choice I agonized over, one that still haunts me today. I will say that I made the choice that was and has been right for me. I was a single mom with three young daughters I was barely able to take care of. In my moment of weakness with my childrens father who was still in his addiction it was not what was on my mind. I am grateful that I live in a country where I have the freedom to do whatever I want with my body, and it is a scary thought that some legislator usually a male can tell me what is right for me. I find it hypocritical that people complain about welfare recipients having babies but when we choose to have an abortion we are even worse, because we have done so on their taxes. Maybe they feel they have dirtied their hands with my dirty little secret. I think choice should exist and so should sex education. I was not some teenager at the time. I knew the consequences of my behavior I just made a foolish decision. When I found out I was pregnant I was furious at myself and my love. More so with myself. Because I had to live emotionally  and physically with whatever choice I did make. Not that it had not affected my love, it did and he was wracked with guilt too.

I remember that day like it was yesterday and I remember feeling overwhelmed and questioning myself, was this the right thing for me to do? I remember the tears streaming down my face as my love touched my hand as he drove me to the clinic. I remember the dimmly lit waiting area that seemed serene and tranquil with couches and green plants. I remember seeing the fear on the face of a young woman who was under 16 and her boyfriend sitting on the waiting room couch just as scared. I also remember the well coiffed and manicured mother of a beautiful teen girl, and her sister sitting with her. I remember the mother saying, "this is what will be best for you, you have your whole life ahead of you." Then there I was another nameless woman who like everyone else would not look into the face or eyes of one another. I thought about my daughters at home and I thought of how much we had all been through.When they called my name and I went alone to the back area I felt the door close and I turned to glance at my love whose face was sad. The nurse was matter of fact and went about telling me to change into the gown methodically and in a droning monotone, because this was all routine to her. I remember the anonymous voices of the other women in the dressing rooms as they changed into dressing gowns. I remember one woman saying, "I had to take a half day off of work and I am supposed to be back to work tommorrow or I am gonna loose my job."  She said she was a waitress and really needed her job. Another said "My ole man gets out in a week and if he found out I was pregnant he would beat the shit out of me." I do not agree with women who use abortion as a method of birth control. Contraceptives are readily available and free at Planned Parenthood. I went to a Planned Parenthood for my procedure.. I was working full time at a job as a floral designer that did not have benefits and going to college. I qualified for medi-cal but if I did not I still would have went through with the procedure. My boss at the time who did not believe in abortion knew my situation and she did not judge me or shun me. The procedure for me was different because I was under 10 weeks pregnant. I ingested some pills and had a suppository inserted that opened up my cervix. I was sent home and I slept and cried and had what amounted to cramps. I hated my love, who for all of his sorrow that he felt, could  never fully  know my heartache. That was what seems like a lifetime ago, but it has not left me. The thoughts of what if and I wonder what... still exist today. I also know that being in my 30s at the time was far different than being 16, and alone and scared.

I am not here to make a stand on abortion or a stand against it. I am here to make a stand on the fact that I as a woman face many more issues regarding my body than a body of legislators who will be predominately male. One candidate even vows no abortions not even for victims of rape or incest. That is one candidate who will never be able to fathom what it is like to be a woman. He is a man. Why arent candidates talking about how to prevent teen pregnancies? Hmm. I feel on that day I did choose life! I chose the lives of my 3 daughters, that they have a better life, that I have the opportunity to give them more. We still struggle today we are finally getting above the water almost 9 years later, but we love eachother and want to see eachother succeed. That is what I want for my eighteen year old daughter, success, she is also the teen mom of my beautiful grandson. There is no perfection in my life. Things happen in life the way they are supposed to. Do I fear repurcussions of telling my story? No, I fear living in a country that would not allow choice for a rape or incest survivor.  I fear that some young woman go to some drastic measure to hide her pregnancy in a dumpster.  I fear some woman somewhere feeling that she will not be allowed into Heaven because of a choice she made. Is God going to forgive me? He already has. My God is a forgiving God, he knows me,  he created me.

LOOK IN THE MIRROR! IS YOUR FACE THE NEXT FACE OF HOMELESSNES?

I find that my life has taken many twists and turns along the road less traveled. In each of these little side trips I have learned something valuable. Sometimes I find that I have to repeat these life lessons a few times before I actually learn from them. I was homeless on my own without my children almost 10 years ago and though that was stressful it was not as bad as being homeless with them years later. I had made a series of bad choices, living in a house shared with others is never a good idea, it never works. Especially if it is family. Then we moved into a house that we could not afford, we thought we would because my love was working and I was working and we got this bright idea to have a paper route to supplement our income! Wrong, people do not pay up. Then my love goes on a binge and loses his job. I injure my back at work and it all goes down hill from there. We stayed at the local Rescue Mission, and I talked my way into yet another apartment. In between that time we actually slept in our van at a lake. Once I called my cousin out of town for money for a motel room, it was like being at a five star hotel. We were clean and fed but we were tired of having to stay out on the weekends all day because the policy at the mission is to be gone until supper time. That was more draining than anything. We sat in the park and longed for a bed to lay on. Even if it was just a mattress without a box spring. We longed for a nice hot bath and fresh fluffy towels. We had to shower after other people at a certain hour and shower quickly. We had to attend Bible Study because it is faith based, not that faith is a bad thing, faith is important and somehow that is what you cling to. Faith may be the only thing you have in times like these that pull you through. You sit in this Bible study with others in your situation, and some who will never learn that life lesson, addicts and cons and people you think lesser than you. It is during this time that I realize I am not any better, I have belly flopped off of my pedestal, and dragged my kids down with me. It was also at this time that my teenage daughter was pregnant. What kind of Mother was I?

There were days that I would cry when no one else was around and days when I would cry when everyone was around. My love had spiraled into his demise, heavy back into the meth scene. I became tired of the life that I was living. After moving several times, more than not getting evicted, because I knew how long that took from my experience with the house. I learned to drag it out, to have a place to stay a little bit longer. The moving and transition was due to a garnishment of 25 percent on my paycheck, leaving me with sometimes bi-weekly checks as little as 325 dollars. Garnishments for the house that we thought we could afford to rent. I still have that stinking garnishment but I am going though a paralegal to file bankruptcy and soon, poof that will disappear. I just have a great landlord that lets me pay every time I get paid to lessen the burden. She knows my history and I am determined not to live that way again. I live in a quaint little house with a great yard for my grandson. I love this house! It is "our" house.

We have a large homeless population in my central California town. As a transit driver I see a lot of them, some are families or parts of families single parents mostly. Some are street people who have lost their way due to alcohol and drug use. Some are mentally unstable, nameless faces that pass through or take up permanent residence in our local park or  the benches at my workplace. There is Roger the alcoholic heroin addict, former hairdresser to the stars. Stories of Jimi Hendrix, and Stevie Nicks pepper his conversations. He talks about not always having been this way. One day he disappeared and he was gone for two weeks before he miraculously arose from the dead. The story was that he had been found dead out by the river one frigid morning. No, not our Roger he came into town freshly shaved, his blue eyes twinkling off of the light reflecting from his silvery gray hair that was brushed back neatly. We were all genuinely surprised if not happy to see him and he laughed off the "Roger is Dead" headline. Coyly saying "I was at my cousins for two weeks." The weather warms up and he is out and about.

Some of the street people get permanent addresses and get legit and some of them clean up and get sober, one such couple was Pam and Tom. Tom was an old codger who had a penchant for living on the wind and he also had a penchant for Pam a former stripper. Pam had a penchant for meth. So at the beginning of every month Tom would get his SSI and Pam would entice it from him. Tom told me once that he was so in love with Pam that it didn't matter what she did. He said the heart could not help who it loved. He had tears in his eyes as he said this. Tom and Pam were in an car accident, he suffered a concussion and he started to suffer dementia after that. He lived for a short time in a community with disabled people, but he would sneak out to see Pam. Still knowing how to get to his love when he needed to. Pam then entered a shelter for women who suffer from chronic homelessness called the Shunamite House. I believe she has lived there for a year and has gotten clean and is now Toms care provider. They ride the bus occasionally now and again running errands or going to the doctor. Tom secured housing in a Senior Living Community.

So it touched me to see a young woman riding my bus with a little wisp of a girl, and I guessed that she was homeless. She was well spoken and her child was clean and well kept, and I recognized that all too familiar dreariness on her face. We began talking and she told me she was at the shelter. I said I understood what she was going through and then I offered her some resources. This girl was already en pointe, securing homeless status for the Housing Authority transferring her social services case, all of the things rolling to get out of the situation. She told me after a few conversations that she felt a stigma and that she was someone who had a great job as a correctional officer and had education and never thought she would find herself homeless. She hated how people down talked her and made her feel less than. She talked about not wanting to settle for the first place that came along because she did not want a bad environment for her daughter. How someone made her feel that she had too high an expectation, because everyone knows if you are homeless you should not aspire to wanting more than less then. The attitude of ignorant uncaring people makes me so angry that I just want to scream in their faces, " if it was you going through this wouldn't you want to salvage any dignity you had!", really just yell at them till their faces vibrated and their hair blew back! So I empathized with her, but i didn't pity her, that is not what a person in her circumstance needs. I gave her my number but she has never called me, and I even told her where I lived so she could go to my house and be in a nice cool place when it was 106 degrees here. She has never come.I saw her a few days ago and things are getting better, her final paperwork is going through, funds for section 8 housing choice vouchers will be available in December. Section 8 programs are available in all states and are funded by the HUD department www.hud.gov/ . This allows tenants the right to choose a residence that meets strict criteria and is certified as a section 8 housing residence. It allows low income individuals and families to pay a percentage of their rent, the rest is funded by HUD. People who are successful on this program have the opportunity to buy their own homes through the DAP program which allows families to get assistance for a down payment on a home being built in an unincorporated area of the county or city. There is also the Self Help Program www.selfhelpenterprises.org/ , which allows families to use sweat equity as a down payment on their new homes also built in unincorporated areas. Often times this is the only way low income families are able to own homes. Imagine going from homeless to homeowner, and what a great feeling it is. I am just happy for now renting my house!

My new friend tells me she will come by this weekend when I have a yard sale. I told her to bring stuff she needs to get rid of and come and relax for the day. I hope she does show up. Just the other night my girls and their friend walked to the neighborhood store and it was a little later. My oldest rushed in to tell me that there was a young woman standing out in front of the store with a little girl and luggage and a container filled with toys. I immediately thought of my new friend. She said she looked lost and scared, and at the moment that she was going to approach her to see if she needed anything a woman got out of her car and offered this young mother a ride. She accepted and I can only imagine the situation she was leaving to take a ride with a compassionate stranger. I know if I would have been there I would have done the same thing. Would you have?

Homelessness in America is not going to go away anytime soon and the homeless people who are in your town don't deserve to be shunned or discarded like trash, sometimes a kind word is all that is needed. Maybe a sandwich or hot coffee or cold water. Be thankful that you are sitting in your house tonight with a nice meal even if its Hamburger Helper, and electricity, and the sounds of people near you. That you are able to take a hot bath for how ever long you want. When you put your head on your pillow in your bed think of those people who are trying to find a place to sleep. Think of me and my kids in our van, and how I still got up and went to work and they to school everyday. We were fortunate to have the assistance of Madera Unified School Ditricts liason Rachel Donatelli who gave us information about keeping my girls in their schools. Homeless students sometimes find refuge at school because it is the only stable environment they experience during their period of homelessness. This link provides information on a national level for homeless student assistance http://www.seirtec.org/nche/index.php. The McKinney Act which you can also find in the previous link provides information regarding the laws of "The No Child Left Behind Act" as it applies to homeless students. Do not pity us we are better people for having had that experience. We are stronger as individuals and as a family. Home truly is where the heart is. If you or someone you know is at risk of or are experiencing homelessness contact www.maderacap.org/ locally for emergency rent vouchers or funds for temporary shelter, or nationally www.nationalhomeless.org/ 


October 29,2010
Just wanted to add that Roger passed away he fell at the bus station and hit the back of his head and fractured his skull, he went into a coma and passed on October 25th, we all miss you Roger and know that you are in a much better place probably talking with Jimi and Janis about their hair.
In memory of Rodger Dwayne Lott. The place won't be the same without you.

SO YOU THINK PEOPLE ON WELFARE SHOULDN'T OWN CELLPHONES?

As you see by the title of my blog page, yes, yes I am a welfare mother. There is a misconception that all people on welfare are lazy, drug addicted, uneducated, dregs of society. Well I am here to tell you that misconception needs to be changed. The simple facts of the matter are that many people like me on welfare are single working moms. I make no excuses for the choices I have made, like being in love with a drug addict, or that I played a role in my own demise from a bright future. I have made a lot of irresponsible choices along the way to this somewhat happy stage of my forty-something life. Choices that led me to be on and off of welfare for the last 18 years. I have also worked or been in college for those last 18 years. I work at a job that pays me 11.00 dollars an hour and I have benefits. Benefits that I cannot afford. According to the poverty guidelines our state has set for welfare recipients I still qualify for full coverage Medi-cal and Foodstamps. I have two children that are on my welfare case. Not ten...

The thing that got me writing this blog was, well believe it or not, Facebook. I was Facebooking it on break from my job and I ran across a status that an old high school friend had posted. Something to the effect that she was irritated that someone getting their medication from the pharmacy she works at with Medi-cal benefits had a cell phone with better apps than hers. Well of course I was reading this on MY cellphone. She went on to say that people on welfare had no business owning cellphones.Well this really got me thinking  how whitebread that statement was. Whitebread is a term Iwill frequently use for people I view as conservative. So I had to post a comment back. It basically said that I was sorry she felt that way and that she must feel that way about me, because I too received assistance and worked. I went on to say that my cellphone is my only phone and that I had commented via my facebook application. Well, if that did not ignite a firestorm. I will admitt that throughout the morning I checked for any notifications regarding her status. She went on to comment later that, It was ok if I had a cellphone, OUCH, just not people who abuse the system. Like I needed her approval  to have my cellphone, hah Cricket didn't even do a credit check! During the day I kept track of comments left and the women who did respond all agreed with her. The last person to respond commented that she had just left a Von's grocery store and was in line behind a woman with a multicolored weave and a Juicy Couture track suit, with Rockstar nails and Coach shoes and a Gucci bag. This lady in front of her was complaining about the size of the cereal box she was getting according to the commentator with her "foodstamp card thingy". She went on to say that she and her husband who are school teachers work very hard and that they have a budget blah blah blah blahzooo. I imagined her voice sounding  like the Peanuts schoolteacher as I read this, "WAAAH WAAAH WAAAH WAAAH." So me, being the type who has to have the last word, commented back.

I explained in my post that what that lady was complaining about was probably the WIC program  because with Foodstamps you can get any size of cereal box! I went on to say that her multicolored weave was probably a "kitchen weave" and her namebrand clothes, shoes, and purse were all probably knockoffs found at the local flea-market, and the "Rockstar" nail polish could be found there too! I then explained that the WIC (go to this link to learn more www.fns.usda.gov/wic) or Women Infants and Childrens program were vouchers for specific healthy foods for pregnant, and lactating women and children under five. The Foodstamp program found via this link www.fns.usda.gov/snap  is funded by the USDA as is the WIC program. Then I closed with this little thought, I told her to take a look at her students in whatever school she was teaching in and try to guess which one would go without any dinner that night. A meal most of us take for granted. Maybe their parents let pride stand in the way of getting assistance, maybe they worry about the people that would smile in their faces, and then grumble behind their backs in that grocery store checkout line. People like her. I did this all from my handy dandy pre-paid Cricket cellphone. So I had the last word I think because I received no other notifications. So thanks friend, and friend's friend for inspiring my first blog! I love to inform misinformed people, think of it as community service for the assistance I get!

Right now so many people are going without, sometimes because of misinformation, sometimes because of pride. The economy being what it is I don't see less people on aid anytime soon. Working class poor, people who live paycheck to paycheck like myself, will make the best of  it. That is after all what we have learned to do, or do without.  I will feed my kids whether I pay cash or use my benefits because we know all to well what it is like to be hungry. I try to be a no nonsense kind of shopper (it helps that I am a great cook that is another blog though) but every once in a while we eat a steak bought with foodstamps. The hardships I and my children have endured, everything from hunger to homlessness, have made us who we are today. I do not live with regrets because anything I have lived and learned has been well worth it. Now I have the opportunity to write about it...... on the computer I own with internet service. Something else people on welfare should not have. OOOPS...