Unlikely Heroes; Where Would Jimmy Graham, Michael Oher, and Dorial Green-Beckham be today if no one believed in them?

My beloved Saints lost their game last week taking them out of contention for the Super Bowl, but I still get to see the Pro Bowl for my final post-season glimpse of my favorite Saint, Jimmy Graham. I was never big into following football until my daughter Makenzee started playing youth football. When the Saints went to the Superbowl we watched and cheered them along because they were the underdog story, led by Drew Brees their quarterback who had come back from injury and had been overlooked and let go by the San Diego Chargers, himself an underdog story. That year is when my daughter began to play football and ever since then I have been a screaming fanatic not only for her but the Saints as well.
I didn't want her to play but then remembered my own dreams as a young girl who could throw and kick a football better than most boys. I remember my dad telling me "no" when I asked to play football. Her first year playing she was a defensive standout and was a leader on a team of boys, they went undefeated and won their Championship, her second year was mediocre and a let down for her. This, her last year in youth league was a repeat of the first, being one of the team leaders and defensive standouts again and playing a perfect season and Championship win.

 It was never easy financially for us to pay the 50 and now 75 dollar fee, and on top of that buy cleats or shoes and in her case sporting bras and compression shorts. It was a pretty penny, but if I had to sacrifice something for her I would, and I would make enchiladas and sell them for her to be able to play her favorite sports. I beam with pride at my girl. I am soo proud of her and often imagine where this ability will take her. These wins are something she will remember forever. Making all those enchiladas was worth it!

What about the kids that never get the opportunity to play a sport? Maybe in school their grades aren't good enough, or financially their parents cannot afford it. Do you know that statistically childrens grades improve if they are involved in an extra curricular activity like sports. As I drive my bus through my little town I see more kids playing ball in the street on the Eastside than the Westside. Thats because their parents can afford to put them in youth football or Little League on the Westside. I wonder how many hidden talents are out there who will get lost to the thug life, or end up pregnant or worse. Sports should be made available to everyone. I do commend my cities John Wells Youth Center for giving kids the opportunity to box or learn dance for free that is a step in the right direction. Their are some great people in my community, friends of mine and friends of theirs that jump at the opportunity to help out a young athlete in need. A friends son needed wrestling shoes and she posted that he would do yard work or whatever he could to earn money for them on Facebook. I had some old wrestling shoes but they were too small. So I made a call to my friend Johnny a frequent buyer of my enchiladas. I had recently seen his brother Danny who saw me in the grocery store and and had told me if my daughter ever need sponsorship to let him know. So a couple of days later my friends son had wrestling shoes. Things like that are so simple to make happen. My daughter and I have talked about creating a foundation to help kids who otherwise may not be able to afford sports, by getting sponsors and even collecting old sports gear to distribute. We hope to start it soon.

So back to Jimmy Graham, when I watched him play this year he caught my eye with his remarkable talent. When I learned his story he became the hero in my house. How do you play only 6 months of college ball as a graduate student to become the a tight end with 99 receptions and a record breaking 1310 receiving yards in your second NFL season? By having someone believe in you and making you believe in yourself. Watch Jimmy Grahams story below...

Those opportunities are all around us. Look at Michael Oher of the Ravens and his story "The Blindside", he is also a big hero in our house, look at Parades All American Dorial Green-Beckham whose story is similar to Ohers. You don't know his name, but you will. He broke a 15 year old national record by having a highschool career recieving record of 6,447 yards. Green-Beckham and his brother like Oher were adopted by a family, after having been in foster care and living sometimes in motels and vans. It touches my heart because my daughters too, had to live in motels, a mission, and we even slept in our van a few times. These are people who are survivors no matter what. Those are quite honestly the people I would want on my team if I was a coach!
So the next time you see a kid playing ball in the street look at their face and remember it, they may be the next NFL or MLB star.

Some Little Leagues offer fee waivers, so that no child misses the opportunity to play check with your local Little League. http://www.littleleague.org/Little_League_Online.htm

Getting back my blog groove.....

This year I want to make a comittment to blogging a lot more consistently, there have been stops and starts and spurts of inactivity. Everyday I have a topic for a blog on the tip of my brain, but life seems to somehow get in the way. But really that is just an excuse I like to make for myself....haha. I am trying to become more regimented with certain things in my life, like skincare (sunspots what the hell, they are not age spots, they are not age spots, they are not oh wtf), eating better (cutting out the soda, so freeking hard! hey kids leave me a drop of pepsi!), keeping a journal (I can hide it better than this stuff on the computer), doing things for myself (don't remember the last time I shaved my underarms, damn things scared me this morning ready to put cornrows under my pits!) and finally the hardest of all, letting someone have the last word ( I know right?) At least they will think they have it until I come home and blog about it. My boss was explaining to me to say "OK" to problem passengers and just leave it at that, which is very, very hard for me. Especially when I feel like knocking the fuck out of them! I have rules that I need to follow to do my job properly and waiting for you (lady) to put out your cigarette and get your shit in your bag is not one of them. She cut me off "Krisann" style (for those less astute readers I am Krisann!) and then proceeded to talk about me to her friend another passenger for the full 30 minute trip to Wally world. Her friend by the way has literally stalked me on my bus. Why do all the old creepy black men fall in love with me? I am thinking it is the ass, yes it is still quite nice if I say so myself. The crazy thing is the day this happened I was making a conscious effort to be polite. I know that is hard to believe but its true. I had, just the day before gotten called into the office to review a video because a client made a complaint that I was rude to the city. Funny thing is she would not have complained if I was say, Black or White. No I firmly believe she complained because she was upset that I did not speak Spanish the way she thought I should, nevermind that she lives in the United States and should speak English! Do you already see the number of great blogs that come from these two experiences!

Trust me I have something to say everyday about some topic, however minute and abstract it may be... So this year expect to follow my blogs and vlogs on topics such as me reapplying for Welfare, Underpaid "yeah right" City of Madera employees, living on one income, Bankruptcy, Homelessness, specifically homeless camps, Homosexuality, The first Bi-racial President why do they say Black? Inspiring stories of Athletes female and male alike, Religion, more on Addiction, Sexuality, and any number of things that piss me off. For those of you that follow me Thanks so much for doing so. I hope that some of what I write inspires you and makes you think in a different way. I hope I can be informative, and maybe good for a laugh when you have had a particulary shitty day, or if you are having a great day then I hope I say something to upset you! All kidding aside, wait I am serious...thanks for your support!

I AM AN AUTHORITY ON EVERYTHING, AREN'T MOST WOMEN?

My boss made a remark to me the other day, and I have been pondering it quite a bit. He (jokingly?) called me an "authority on everything". That comment was like a burr stuck on my sock, just rubbing me the wrong way! I later that day asked him how he knew that I was just that? He said because I let everyone know everyday. Now at this point I could have made a seriously rude comment to him that could have crossed the insubordination line but I chose to smile and say, "I am so glad that someone around here is finally acknowledging that I am an authority on everything!" I walked off with a smile on my face and some pep in my step. He guffawed and his assistant manager giggled. I really meant it when I said that to him, just as I am sure he meant it when he made that comment to me. Later that day I told my kids what he had said and I told them my quick thinking retort. They thought he was a dick. I told a dear longtime friend and she said some men in positions of power are usually threatened by a confident woman. Yah I know this.  I have been sitting on this all weekend. Do I come off as a know it all? Its kind of an odd thought I suppose but I am a very confident somewhat articulate woman. I was not always this way.

It developed out of my need to survive. I survived being a middle child, not being good enough in my fathers eyes because after all I was not the son he wanted, he told me this in an intense argument we had when I was sixteen. I have survived the ridicule of bullies as a young blossoming woman. I survived the terrible preteen and teen years when I thought I was not pretty enough or popular enought to fit in. I survived highschool. I survived my first heartbreak. I survived getting fired from one of my first jobs. I survived getting pregnant out of wedlock. I survived my loves drug addiction and infidelities and subsequently I survived the domestic violence cycle that I became addicted to. I survived going to jail when I stabbed my love in one of our domestic incidents. I survived when I had to admit that I was responsible for my own part in the life I had lived to that point. I survived my mothers illness with Alzheimers and her death during this time. I survived being away from my three lovelies when I fought to get reunified with them. I survived getting them back. I survived being homeless and hungry. I survived my oldest lovelie's teen years, and I survived when she told me that she was pregnant. I survived when I quit jobs with no others lined up. I survived giving my fathers eulogy after he refused to see me before his death. I have survived all of the let downs and disappointments and upsets that I have caused or been a part of in my life. I am still a work in progress and as I like to say I am scaling the Great Wall of Motherhood and Gammahood and Womanhood. I am who I am.

My friends think I am this "strong" woman... its so ironic that they don't see me in my quiet alone times. Times when some memory will flash and make me feel less then, and alone and forgotten and unimportant in the scheme of things. I survive those times too.

Do all of these things make me an "authority". Yes, they do. I am an authority on my life and the things I have been through that have brought me to this place of enlightenment and self awareness that maybe others do not or ever will, achieve. How sad for those that can never look at all of the failings they have had and realize that there is a reason they are where they are. Choice, what a great word. We can choose to sit in our heap of misery or we can choose to be an "authority". I like the wisdom I have accumulated in my life so far.
 I cannot wait to get some more!

LOOK IN THE MIRROR! IS YOUR FACE THE NEXT FACE OF HOMELESSNES?

I find that my life has taken many twists and turns along the road less traveled. In each of these little side trips I have learned something valuable. Sometimes I find that I have to repeat these life lessons a few times before I actually learn from them. I was homeless on my own without my children almost 10 years ago and though that was stressful it was not as bad as being homeless with them years later. I had made a series of bad choices, living in a house shared with others is never a good idea, it never works. Especially if it is family. Then we moved into a house that we could not afford, we thought we would because my love was working and I was working and we got this bright idea to have a paper route to supplement our income! Wrong, people do not pay up. Then my love goes on a binge and loses his job. I injure my back at work and it all goes down hill from there. We stayed at the local Rescue Mission, and I talked my way into yet another apartment. In between that time we actually slept in our van at a lake. Once I called my cousin out of town for money for a motel room, it was like being at a five star hotel. We were clean and fed but we were tired of having to stay out on the weekends all day because the policy at the mission is to be gone until supper time. That was more draining than anything. We sat in the park and longed for a bed to lay on. Even if it was just a mattress without a box spring. We longed for a nice hot bath and fresh fluffy towels. We had to shower after other people at a certain hour and shower quickly. We had to attend Bible Study because it is faith based, not that faith is a bad thing, faith is important and somehow that is what you cling to. Faith may be the only thing you have in times like these that pull you through. You sit in this Bible study with others in your situation, and some who will never learn that life lesson, addicts and cons and people you think lesser than you. It is during this time that I realize I am not any better, I have belly flopped off of my pedestal, and dragged my kids down with me. It was also at this time that my teenage daughter was pregnant. What kind of Mother was I?

There were days that I would cry when no one else was around and days when I would cry when everyone was around. My love had spiraled into his demise, heavy back into the meth scene. I became tired of the life that I was living. After moving several times, more than not getting evicted, because I knew how long that took from my experience with the house. I learned to drag it out, to have a place to stay a little bit longer. The moving and transition was due to a garnishment of 25 percent on my paycheck, leaving me with sometimes bi-weekly checks as little as 325 dollars. Garnishments for the house that we thought we could afford to rent. I still have that stinking garnishment but I am going though a paralegal to file bankruptcy and soon, poof that will disappear. I just have a great landlord that lets me pay every time I get paid to lessen the burden. She knows my history and I am determined not to live that way again. I live in a quaint little house with a great yard for my grandson. I love this house! It is "our" house.

We have a large homeless population in my central California town. As a transit driver I see a lot of them, some are families or parts of families single parents mostly. Some are street people who have lost their way due to alcohol and drug use. Some are mentally unstable, nameless faces that pass through or take up permanent residence in our local park or  the benches at my workplace. There is Roger the alcoholic heroin addict, former hairdresser to the stars. Stories of Jimi Hendrix, and Stevie Nicks pepper his conversations. He talks about not always having been this way. One day he disappeared and he was gone for two weeks before he miraculously arose from the dead. The story was that he had been found dead out by the river one frigid morning. No, not our Roger he came into town freshly shaved, his blue eyes twinkling off of the light reflecting from his silvery gray hair that was brushed back neatly. We were all genuinely surprised if not happy to see him and he laughed off the "Roger is Dead" headline. Coyly saying "I was at my cousins for two weeks." The weather warms up and he is out and about.

Some of the street people get permanent addresses and get legit and some of them clean up and get sober, one such couple was Pam and Tom. Tom was an old codger who had a penchant for living on the wind and he also had a penchant for Pam a former stripper. Pam had a penchant for meth. So at the beginning of every month Tom would get his SSI and Pam would entice it from him. Tom told me once that he was so in love with Pam that it didn't matter what she did. He said the heart could not help who it loved. He had tears in his eyes as he said this. Tom and Pam were in an car accident, he suffered a concussion and he started to suffer dementia after that. He lived for a short time in a community with disabled people, but he would sneak out to see Pam. Still knowing how to get to his love when he needed to. Pam then entered a shelter for women who suffer from chronic homelessness called the Shunamite House. I believe she has lived there for a year and has gotten clean and is now Toms care provider. They ride the bus occasionally now and again running errands or going to the doctor. Tom secured housing in a Senior Living Community.

So it touched me to see a young woman riding my bus with a little wisp of a girl, and I guessed that she was homeless. She was well spoken and her child was clean and well kept, and I recognized that all too familiar dreariness on her face. We began talking and she told me she was at the shelter. I said I understood what she was going through and then I offered her some resources. This girl was already en pointe, securing homeless status for the Housing Authority transferring her social services case, all of the things rolling to get out of the situation. She told me after a few conversations that she felt a stigma and that she was someone who had a great job as a correctional officer and had education and never thought she would find herself homeless. She hated how people down talked her and made her feel less than. She talked about not wanting to settle for the first place that came along because she did not want a bad environment for her daughter. How someone made her feel that she had too high an expectation, because everyone knows if you are homeless you should not aspire to wanting more than less then. The attitude of ignorant uncaring people makes me so angry that I just want to scream in their faces, " if it was you going through this wouldn't you want to salvage any dignity you had!", really just yell at them till their faces vibrated and their hair blew back! So I empathized with her, but i didn't pity her, that is not what a person in her circumstance needs. I gave her my number but she has never called me, and I even told her where I lived so she could go to my house and be in a nice cool place when it was 106 degrees here. She has never come.I saw her a few days ago and things are getting better, her final paperwork is going through, funds for section 8 housing choice vouchers will be available in December. Section 8 programs are available in all states and are funded by the HUD department www.hud.gov/ . This allows tenants the right to choose a residence that meets strict criteria and is certified as a section 8 housing residence. It allows low income individuals and families to pay a percentage of their rent, the rest is funded by HUD. People who are successful on this program have the opportunity to buy their own homes through the DAP program which allows families to get assistance for a down payment on a home being built in an unincorporated area of the county or city. There is also the Self Help Program www.selfhelpenterprises.org/ , which allows families to use sweat equity as a down payment on their new homes also built in unincorporated areas. Often times this is the only way low income families are able to own homes. Imagine going from homeless to homeowner, and what a great feeling it is. I am just happy for now renting my house!

My new friend tells me she will come by this weekend when I have a yard sale. I told her to bring stuff she needs to get rid of and come and relax for the day. I hope she does show up. Just the other night my girls and their friend walked to the neighborhood store and it was a little later. My oldest rushed in to tell me that there was a young woman standing out in front of the store with a little girl and luggage and a container filled with toys. I immediately thought of my new friend. She said she looked lost and scared, and at the moment that she was going to approach her to see if she needed anything a woman got out of her car and offered this young mother a ride. She accepted and I can only imagine the situation she was leaving to take a ride with a compassionate stranger. I know if I would have been there I would have done the same thing. Would you have?

Homelessness in America is not going to go away anytime soon and the homeless people who are in your town don't deserve to be shunned or discarded like trash, sometimes a kind word is all that is needed. Maybe a sandwich or hot coffee or cold water. Be thankful that you are sitting in your house tonight with a nice meal even if its Hamburger Helper, and electricity, and the sounds of people near you. That you are able to take a hot bath for how ever long you want. When you put your head on your pillow in your bed think of those people who are trying to find a place to sleep. Think of me and my kids in our van, and how I still got up and went to work and they to school everyday. We were fortunate to have the assistance of Madera Unified School Ditricts liason Rachel Donatelli who gave us information about keeping my girls in their schools. Homeless students sometimes find refuge at school because it is the only stable environment they experience during their period of homelessness. This link provides information on a national level for homeless student assistance http://www.seirtec.org/nche/index.php. The McKinney Act which you can also find in the previous link provides information regarding the laws of "The No Child Left Behind Act" as it applies to homeless students. Do not pity us we are better people for having had that experience. We are stronger as individuals and as a family. Home truly is where the heart is. If you or someone you know is at risk of or are experiencing homelessness contact www.maderacap.org/ locally for emergency rent vouchers or funds for temporary shelter, or nationally www.nationalhomeless.org/ 


October 29,2010
Just wanted to add that Roger passed away he fell at the bus station and hit the back of his head and fractured his skull, he went into a coma and passed on October 25th, we all miss you Roger and know that you are in a much better place probably talking with Jimi and Janis about their hair.
In memory of Rodger Dwayne Lott. The place won't be the same without you.