WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS WHO NEEDS THEIR OWN ASSHOLE..THE PITFALLS OF BEING A GOOD FRIEND...

So since the lunar eclipse my lines of communication have been blurred....with family and friends and apparently I have fallen into drama that I actually want no part of of. It is inevitable that with relationships with people drama follows...words are said, things are done, and relationships become damaged. Betrayal at its worst is hard to mend when it happens between friends, let alone family. I have been caught in a vortex of other peoples drama...I have enough of my own thank you very much. I am singleparenting it, to two teen daughters and my 20 something and her son. My house is overflowing with people...my space is not my own and I am missing my Love like crazy. I would not have it any other way even in my grumblings I know that this is a great time in my life and so I have resigned myself to the craziness of it all and written it off as, normal for someone like me. Yet I have been bombarded from the outside crazies with drama and lies and more drama and wow I cannot take it. Toxic people are sucking the life out of me and I like being in bliss mode not drama overload.

Why do we allow people to treat us this way? Why do friends and family turn on eachother over misunderstandings or assumptions and why is it that it usually involves money? Why do we fail to take inventory of ourselves before we point the finger at someone else? Why is it when you make a genuine effort to help someone they manipulate the situation so they are now making you out to be the bad guy when you bailed them out of their situation? This is a general observation of mine. Have I been guilty of it? Yes I have, but then I caught myself doing what every person who manipulates the situation do..play victim. You cannot be the victim of a circumstance you alone have put yourself in. I am not talking about real victimization like abusive relationships or homocide or rape or things like that. I am talking about the victim who believes their problems exist because of everyone else and not the fact that they made the choice to not pay a bill, or tell that lie, or not go to work or betray a friend or family member. That kind of victim playing annoys the fuck out of me. Have I done it? Yes I have. Then I realized just as I cannot allow people to treat me like crap, I have to be responsible for my choices. Ok so I go without water for a few days, or my phone is off because I have a big electric bill, I get pulled over because my tags are expired. So I hustle and work my butt off, maybe friends will come to the rescue and I will have my water back on, which they did....thanks guys. Yes I have or will finish paying them this week, I have not avoided them. I will work overtime to get caught up because hey life happens, things happen and the things I cannot control like my car breaking down or getting sick are inevitable, thats life. So I control the things that I can like making sure to pay a certain bill or giving up cable until I can afford it, simple choices people.

 Some people in my circle are generous and kind hearted and some are just takers....until they burn bridge after bridge and then it becomes an issue of paying back that kind hearted person with a barage of drama and insults and trying to make them miserable because they, the taker have failed to live up to their end of the deal. They are literally standing on the piece of driftwood thats left in that river of self pity they have created for themselves. They reach out to whoever will have some sympathy for them and usually its not many that are left, usually only telling their side of the story. We all know that old saying there are three sides to every story theirs, and yours, and the truth. Most people in this situation have to hit their own rock bottom and either admit they have a problem or genuinely ask for help or even apologize to people they have betrayed, but not as a way to get back in good graces. No, as a way to heal a relationship that they may have damaged if it can be repaired. If it cannot then its time to let that person go so that your sanity can be kept intact. I have had to do this recently and though it is hard its best for me and my family. We are moving forward in our lives and cannot afford to have the burden of someone elses inability to be responsible. All I can do is pray for that individual.

Genuine relationships are rare. It is true that we cannot pick our family, that is a card that is dealt to us but we can surely pic the aces in our circle of friends. Surrounding yourself with people who you aspire to be like, is usually a way to bring out the best in yourself and them. True friends find reward in knowing their is no pricetag where friendship is concerned. Someone recently told me a mutual friend of ours became friends with him and his wife because my Love and I never had money to do anything. I didn't want their money, I wanted their friendship. I don't need to be bought and I sure as hell ain't gonna buy you. If you want to come and share a meal and good conversation and laugh into the evening I can be your best friend. Just don't expect me to pay for your fucking pedicure or spend my income tax money on something for you. That was said too. The moral of the drama hurricane I have been caught up in this last week or two is that I know who my real friends are. I love them as they are, with all of their flaws and inconsistencies....just as they love the fucked up person that I am. One of them said that they like that I don't sugar coat, that they know that I will be straightforward with them and that my real friends and family will continue to love me. Lets see after I publish this how true that is.

SORRY YOU DIDN'T LIKE MY FACEBOOK STATUS, FRANKLY MY DEAR I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!

Apparently I may have to start adding this to my FB status, "ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANY PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL." Lately I have alienated several people with Facebook posts, just my thoughts about something that was going on in my life at the moment that they may or may not have been a part of and they either thought they knew who I was referring to or else they knew it was them. I have been told by these "friends" that I shouldn't have posted those "feelings" of mine on Facebook. The fact of the matter is that whatever I choose to post is my business and if you do not like it BLOCK ME. I have blocked people who I view as assholes, and I am sure that I am someone's asshole out in the Facebook universe. That being said, who are these "friends" of mine to tell me what I should and should not post. According to Facebook itself, " Facebook's mission is to give people the power to share and make the world more open and connected." I think the fact that some of my "friends" had made comments to support me are what have upset the subjects of my posts. Keep in mind I use no names just how I feel. So in doing this I opened up what was a personal situation to that person and shared it with the Facebook Universe and  in that persons eyes I insulted them and their family...hope they don't see this blog then! A personal motto of mine is to not say anything about anyone if I cannot say it to their face directly, one thing I will do is be direct in person. I would expect the same from someone who has something to say about me, I prefer you say it to me. With that said I will not edit or censor my feelings for the few who I may offend. Trust me you don't want me to hold it inside, I did that for a long time and ended up stabbing someone....more about that in this link http://noturtypicalgma.blogspot.com/2010/11/i-had-ambitions-and-dreams-then-i-went.html  I am the type of person who tries not to hide who or what I am or the things I have been through. I think I am "real" what you see, is what you get. I don't have a Facebook page that has nothing but positive posts or religious quotes nor do I think my page is narcissistic, its just me and my life and my family and friends. The good the bad, the ugly, my feelings my thoughts, my hopes my dreams, the occasional F word, or show of support for any one of my "friends" So tell me do you edit or censor or block your Facebook, and if so whats the reason? Have you deleted people, and why? Do you check your Facebook before you say, get out of bed or before you turn in, do you have notifications sent to your phone, do you have an app for it on your  phone so you can access even at a funeral? What do you Facebook? Why do you Facebook? Is your Facebook public? So you block certain people? The following link allows you to control your settings and who views your pages and what your "friends" see https://www.facebook.com/settings/?tab=privacy&ref=mb, I personally don't block people from posts unless they are minors and there is something I don't want to share with them. All of my children have access to my page including my youngest who is 12 but for the sake of Facebook sign up has been 13 for the last year....I also view their pages and if they choose to block something from my view that is their choice. 
 So I have lost a "friend" or two or have strained some relationship because of my posts but were they ever really my "friend" in the true sense of the word, I mean come on, I have never been to your home and you have never been to mine, I generally "know" the people on my Facebook in some way either as my friends in real life, coworkers, family, people from church. Some of my "friends" have met through mutual friends or from my child being involved in her sport...you can label your "friends" now..which is apparently something I will do next, just so there is no confusion the next time you see something you may think is about you that you may not like on my page. Happy Facebooking!

Lets Get Together!

I am in need of some friend time some much needed adult conversation, so I invited some friends to come and hangout Friday nite at my house. I am one of those people that would rather sit in a backyard with my friends than sit in a stuffy restaurant. I am a jeans and tee shirt gal. Of course I'm going to cook some kickass food but I also asked my friends to byob and also told them it would be a potluck type barbecue... everyone contributes and we have a good time. It has been a long time since I let my hair down and kicked it with my buds. This will be a no frills affair everyone will bring their own chairs and we will have a drink under the stars...just like this song..heard it today and it summed up exactly how I feel about this Friday.

Good music, good food, good drinks,good friends,good times, what more could a girl ask for! See you then!

can damaged friendships be repaired? lessons learned from my teenage lovelie

Today was the day that the drama of my teenage lovelies life unfolded in court. We were there to make a temporary restraining order permanent on one of her former friends. This also involved my former friend who is this girls guardian. Our friendship of 20 years came to a dramatic end last year when her daughter and  her daughters friend caused such distress for my child that she confronted friends daughter in what appeared to others as an out of the blue verbal assault. What they did not know was that this anger my child had was brewing for weeks over the fact that, these two girls her friends at the time felt she was being unloyal to them and spreading gossip and rumors to others. In particular  to their enemy, a girl who was vying for the attention of friends daughters boyfriend. What a convoluted teenage drama, mean girls, the stuff movies are made of. The fallout from that confrontation led to one of the girls threatening my daughter and eventually harrassing her on several occassions. To know my middle lovelie is to know that she is a very loyal and trustworthy person. She would never intentionally hurt someone. So when it came to pass that she became the object of revenge she thought her life was ruined, and nothing I could tell her was going to make her feel better.
I told her when she became severely depressed because of the situation that if she needed to get a restraining order to give her peace of mind that I would do so. After the last confrontation I did file one and it was in court that I saw my former friend and her daughters. I felt that they had played the victim on several occassions and I was not going to let them get away with it. In court they disputed it, I was dumbfounded and thought why? We no longer wanted to have anything to do with them. I resigned myself to the fact that my 20 year friendship aside I would do what was best for my child. Isn't that what a good Mother does?
So the case was continued until today and I had subpoened a principal and gotten several important documents to support the need for an order. So when the judge called us up after some formalities he offered that we might have a resolution to salvage a friendship that was so old. That in the course of life things happen and that we need to see the bigger picture. That wasn't it possible the young woman who hurt my daughter had acted on impulse and out of concern for her friend, my friends daughter. He did agree that these teenage dramas can turn into tragedies and he agreed that when a childs mental health is concerned it is an urgent issue. I missed my friend and our love/ hate relationship but I wanted this to be my daughters choice. I saw tears come to her eyes as she told the judge that she would be willing to "dissolve the order and stuff", it was not so eloquent, her wording, but it was heartfelt. The girls had said they missed her friendship and the one that threatened her admitted she should have listened to her principal who was there as our witness, and not gotten involved in defending her "sister". She apologized to my daughter, and they hugged after court and made up. I think that everyone learned a valuable lesson today. At least I hope they did. Friendship is a very hard thing to come by, and I choose to have only a small circle of friends. But its nice to know that damaged friendships can be repaired and that the sum of our experiences can in time help people grow and change.
If anything I wanted my daughter to know that she is the world to me, she is so mature and smart beyond her fifteen years. I just don't understand where she gets it from?