WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS WHO NEEDS THEIR OWN ASSHOLE..THE PITFALLS OF BEING A GOOD FRIEND...

So since the lunar eclipse my lines of communication have been blurred....with family and friends and apparently I have fallen into drama that I actually want no part of of. It is inevitable that with relationships with people drama follows...words are said, things are done, and relationships become damaged. Betrayal at its worst is hard to mend when it happens between friends, let alone family. I have been caught in a vortex of other peoples drama...I have enough of my own thank you very much. I am singleparenting it, to two teen daughters and my 20 something and her son. My house is overflowing with people...my space is not my own and I am missing my Love like crazy. I would not have it any other way even in my grumblings I know that this is a great time in my life and so I have resigned myself to the craziness of it all and written it off as, normal for someone like me. Yet I have been bombarded from the outside crazies with drama and lies and more drama and wow I cannot take it. Toxic people are sucking the life out of me and I like being in bliss mode not drama overload.

Why do we allow people to treat us this way? Why do friends and family turn on eachother over misunderstandings or assumptions and why is it that it usually involves money? Why do we fail to take inventory of ourselves before we point the finger at someone else? Why is it when you make a genuine effort to help someone they manipulate the situation so they are now making you out to be the bad guy when you bailed them out of their situation? This is a general observation of mine. Have I been guilty of it? Yes I have, but then I caught myself doing what every person who manipulates the situation do..play victim. You cannot be the victim of a circumstance you alone have put yourself in. I am not talking about real victimization like abusive relationships or homocide or rape or things like that. I am talking about the victim who believes their problems exist because of everyone else and not the fact that they made the choice to not pay a bill, or tell that lie, or not go to work or betray a friend or family member. That kind of victim playing annoys the fuck out of me. Have I done it? Yes I have. Then I realized just as I cannot allow people to treat me like crap, I have to be responsible for my choices. Ok so I go without water for a few days, or my phone is off because I have a big electric bill, I get pulled over because my tags are expired. So I hustle and work my butt off, maybe friends will come to the rescue and I will have my water back on, which they did....thanks guys. Yes I have or will finish paying them this week, I have not avoided them. I will work overtime to get caught up because hey life happens, things happen and the things I cannot control like my car breaking down or getting sick are inevitable, thats life. So I control the things that I can like making sure to pay a certain bill or giving up cable until I can afford it, simple choices people.

 Some people in my circle are generous and kind hearted and some are just takers....until they burn bridge after bridge and then it becomes an issue of paying back that kind hearted person with a barage of drama and insults and trying to make them miserable because they, the taker have failed to live up to their end of the deal. They are literally standing on the piece of driftwood thats left in that river of self pity they have created for themselves. They reach out to whoever will have some sympathy for them and usually its not many that are left, usually only telling their side of the story. We all know that old saying there are three sides to every story theirs, and yours, and the truth. Most people in this situation have to hit their own rock bottom and either admit they have a problem or genuinely ask for help or even apologize to people they have betrayed, but not as a way to get back in good graces. No, as a way to heal a relationship that they may have damaged if it can be repaired. If it cannot then its time to let that person go so that your sanity can be kept intact. I have had to do this recently and though it is hard its best for me and my family. We are moving forward in our lives and cannot afford to have the burden of someone elses inability to be responsible. All I can do is pray for that individual.

Genuine relationships are rare. It is true that we cannot pick our family, that is a card that is dealt to us but we can surely pic the aces in our circle of friends. Surrounding yourself with people who you aspire to be like, is usually a way to bring out the best in yourself and them. True friends find reward in knowing their is no pricetag where friendship is concerned. Someone recently told me a mutual friend of ours became friends with him and his wife because my Love and I never had money to do anything. I didn't want their money, I wanted their friendship. I don't need to be bought and I sure as hell ain't gonna buy you. If you want to come and share a meal and good conversation and laugh into the evening I can be your best friend. Just don't expect me to pay for your fucking pedicure or spend my income tax money on something for you. That was said too. The moral of the drama hurricane I have been caught up in this last week or two is that I know who my real friends are. I love them as they are, with all of their flaws and inconsistencies....just as they love the fucked up person that I am. One of them said that they like that I don't sugar coat, that they know that I will be straightforward with them and that my real friends and family will continue to love me. Lets see after I publish this how true that is.

BETRAYING THE ONES YOU LOVE...ABOUT MARIA AND ARNOLD

I have had my own struggles in my relationship with my girls father, as most of you know if you read this blog. So the news that Arnold has a "love" child, with a former maid was not a big shock to me. Not to say that what he has done is ok with me, it's not. He was in a position of great power, and married to a very beautiful, powerful, woman in her own right. I see a lot of parallels here... women like me who make not so great partner choices and Maria Shriver have a lot in common. We are usually very loyal, very forgiving, and always end up giving up something that is very important to us when we choose men with addictive personalities. I am not saying that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a drug addict like my husband, I am saying that he likes the power that he has attained through the years, whether it be bodybuilding or acting or politics. Those fields all have to do with a narcissism that means a person whose involved in them, would have some type of addictive tendencies. I knew long ago that Arnold was a womanizer when I followed him in bodybuilding, and watched him as he worked his way into mainstream America. Most overly confident  men are...I did not say all I said most. So when he married Maria Shriver I was shocked! What was she thinking?

But hah thats what people say about me. Funny isn't it how we hold other people, people we know and people we don't to a higher standard than what we would set for ourselves...whether it be choice of mate or falling from grace. The thing people forget is that the loser addict or  the famous politician  are just people. People who make choices that affect the world around them, and ultimately their families, the people they love the most.

So the thing that does get me is that the people who will suffer the most in this tabloid news, facebook, twitter, media to go, day and age are the children of these relationships. Maria and Arnold's children will feel betrayed and torn, hate and hurt and confused. All valid feelings. To know that you have a half sibling someone who has the same blood running through them as you do, and that is one of the reasons your family is broken is to say the least, overwhelming. Yet these children will endure this under the media glare of the microscope that is our sick obsession with the celebrity life. The "love" child by far will have the most to deal with, not having been raised in the limelight, living by most accounts a "normal" life. Imagine what this will do to him. I often wonder if as adults they feel responsible for the demise of the family whose life they changed, even though clearly they are not the responsible party at all!

When two adults make a choice to betray their families by having an affair its one thing, but when a child comes from that situation it becomes something altogether.

I feel for everyone involved but I know that a person like Maria Shriver will carry herself with poise and grace. I hope that the people involved will be able to move forward from this. After all life will go on.

Men have been betraying women, and vice versa since the dawn of time when that cave person discovered fire he or she was the sought after mate. Once the potential mate got what they needed they moved on and so fire has been handed down from generation to generation. Moral of the story? Don't play with fire kids you will get burned. So for all of the advances in the world people remain the same at their core. Life is full of choices, but ultimately you need to ask yourself can I live with the choices I made today? Sometimes the lure of the fire is just very inviting.