Hate Crimes In My Little Town...The Terrorist Down The Street...

I live in a rambling little town that is geologically the center of California. It is an ag community, grapevines, and fruit and nut trees are lined up in rows that when seen from a distance are a site to behold. At any given time of the year something is in bloom. The town was historically founded when a large flume was built to run lumber, the industry of the time, down from the mountains of the Sierra Forest to the valley floor of Madera, whose name is Spanish for lumber. Most all of its inhabitants were immigrants of some kind. It has a rich and varied history. People of all ethnicity's settled and called this little town their home. Some families today can trace their lineage to those early settlers. Today Madera is made up of people of many ethnicity's, Italian, German, Russian, Mexican,Chinese, Japanese, African American, Native American, Pakistani, Middle Eastern.

It surprises me that with all of the different races that live here, there is still a racial unharmony that rears its ugly head. Just down the street from where I live a man Donny Eugene Mower, a member of the American National Brotherhood, perpetrated hate crimes against several different walks of life. He targeted an Islamic Mosque, throwing a brick through a window and leaving signs. One of which said, "No temple for the god of terrorism at ground zero", he also targeted a United Methodist Church leaving a sign that read "Homosexual Pastors is this a Christ honoring church, or are you awakening the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah?" This hate fueled terrorist, because that is what he is by definition, also through a Molotov cocktail at our local planned parenthood because he was, "against abortion". How did this man who worked as a bus driver for children slip through the cracks... How was he even able to hide his allegiance to the White Brotherhood? I wonder how hard it was to deal with people of a different race or belief  on a daily basis. He must have been a good fucking actor. Cause he lived right in the thick of a varied neighborhood of Hispanics, Caucasians, Blacks and Middle Eastern Islamic doctors offices. He lived less than a mile from one of the local high schools, and middle schools, and an elementary school.

So with his arrest by the FBI  he confessed to his crimes and our little town was shocked that this could happen here. Here it was Spring, 2011 and almonds were not the only thing in full bloom, so was hate. I was not shocked because hate and racism have run rampant in this town for a long time. Racial lines are still defined and though somewhat blurred still visible if you are in certain parts of the county. You cannot be Black or Hispanic in certain towns, at least not without saying you are a tourist... I see it in my hometown newspaper when people call in to the Red Line, a section of paper devoted  once a week to peoples outrage at various issues, most of them revolve around "those people" shh... they are talking about the Mexicans from Mexico... you know those dirty, lazy, living on welfare, living 10 deep in a garage, good enough to pick my food but not good enough to have to dinner as a guest Mexicans.. yeah them. Then there are those people who run every gas station in town. The towelhead wearing, slurpee selling, don't touch the magazine without buying it, smelling of cumin, well actually its garam masala, you know those folks,trying to take over the world terrorist plotting, tightasses. Sucks to be a shade or two darker than the average white folks around here.. Oh they smile at the blacks, too intimidated to tell a black person anything to their faces, but yup they talk shit behind their backs too....no one is immune. Their is a whole section of town called nigger park and the public pool was called the nigger dip back in the day. No, hate is still alive and kicking in this town... we just don't talk about it unless its anonymously in the Red Line.

So what do I tell my kids? I tell them that no matter where you go or what you achieve there will always be someone to say you are less than. Its what you think of yourselves that matter and people who want to hate you because of your skin color, your sex, your sexual preference, religious beliefs or last name, don't deserve the privilege of knowing you! Its really all about how you respond, as the local Islamic community and Methodist Church did, with grace and dignity when they were attacked. Hate is based in ignorance or fear or the unknown. Those are things that in time can be changed, just hope I get to witness that day...

Bullying Is Everyones Problem

I have been wanting to write this for a week now, but being sick I was unable to until today. The reason I became inspired to write this was because of a newscast that I heard. Graduations were happening all over the states and here locally. I was listening to the news and heard a reporter say, "Local teens want to remember student who killed himself at graduation with an empty chair, their principal won't allow it for fear it will upset the bullies who led him to commit suicide."  Yes that is what I heard, at the time it created such an anger in me that I sat and spewed obscenities at the t.v. "Fuck those bullies, were they thinking of this kid or his parents when they were taunting him? Fuck them I hope they all suffer!" My daughter asked me what I was talking about and I told her and she said "Wow!" which is her way of saying "HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT!" As you can see it still creates such a reaction in me that I cannot think of any other way to channel this but to blog about it!

When society places concern for a bully above the memory of a victim and the feeling of the victims family there is a serious problem. Don't get all crazy on me, I have heard of the young man accused of bullying who took his life too, and I have every sympathy for that family as well. A good upstanding family. What created this need to bully in their child, what creates it in any child? Why is it so prevalent today? I only believe it is more noticeable today, and that it is only recently that it has garnered a spotlight because of  its inundation on social media. I was bullied way before Facebook and Myspace, way before youtube.com and way before 4g technology on phones enabled recording of fights.

This is a list of reasons that I have come up with that I was bullied continuously from my earliest memory of bullying to my last. I was bullied as early as 3rd grade when I cut my hair short got called everything from a beetle to a boy how original....here are the rest.....
1. hair cut short
2. being smart, being teachers pet
3. being liked by boys
4. having breasts develop before others
5. being a "whitewashed mexican"
6. thinking I was "too good"
7. not being thin enough
8. having an ass that boys looked at
9. being shy
10. not fitting in
11. being gossiped about as being sexually active when I was not
12. not fighting back
13. being pretty
14. being ugly
15. accused of being gay
16. having a locker next to a cheerleader
17. for being me.....

I actually cried as I wrote this because peoples bullying of me has had a profound effect on my life, it created a lot of doubt in a frail developing person. I began to hate myself and to not want to exist. I withdrew emotionally and stopped attending school because it was a nightmare to go to everyday. I know that a lot of people that knew me back then had no clue at the time that I was so distraught, I hid it very well, by being rebellious and  covering my pain up with humor. My parents had no clue, all they knew was that I went from this smart bright kid to someone they did not recognize in a period of 5 years. The most crucial years from seventh grade to senior year. I hate that part of my life and the power I let others have over me.

In high school believe it or not I wore a smocked blouse to school at orientation, and I was gossiped about as being pregnant I was also bullied by boys who probably had a crush on me... I just didn't know it. It was also during this period that a girl whose initials were LB and was a year under me bullied me the most next to my other bully who I will talk about next. LB had a locker near mine and she made sure to stand in my way daily, sidling up to her boyfriend in typical socie, cheerleader fashion. She would not move and when I would ask her she would mutter things under her breath and call me things like fat, ugly, loser....this went on for the whole year, at the end of the year she took a picture of me, that she had access to because she was on the yearbook staff I believe, if she wasn't a friend of hers was. She photocopied it and posted it on the entrance of the language arts building with the words LOST, implying that I was a dog..luckily someone took it down before I saw it. I still get upset that I did not beat the shit out of her to this day! Because if I could go back in time and beat the HOLY shit out of her I would, terrible I know my teenage self still hates her! Really I feel sorry for her because she had issues of her own obviously.

My last experience with a bully in which I took control, came after several years of torture from a supposed cousin, who called me a bitch daily, people, daily! From seventh grade all the way to junior year! I guess she thought I was trying to be too much of a chola encroaching on her little clique or whatever, I did try to fit in with the little homie element but thank God I got over that really quick! They considered me too whitewashed, too good. Which looking back on it now is laughable! Finally one day passing through the narrow Biology hall, she whispered "bitch" into my ear, I stopped and said "look if I am such a bitch then do something about it!Now... oh that's right your little friends aren't here to back you up.... so will you please leave me the fuck alone!" I don't know where that Krisann came from, but pretty much from that day on I claimed my power over my bullies. It was freeing and empowering. I still had problems with depression  but never acted on thoughts of suicide. I was lucky.

Today the shift in bullying takes on  a sexual aspect and that is very dangerous thing. Where girls like myself may be bullied for their supposed sexual activity, kids today are bullied for their sexual identity. If you present as  too feminine, or too butch you are a target. Looking back at all of the people I grew up with there is not one that I can say I did not know they were either gay or lesbian. You knew...it was unspoken. It was never threatening to me though because their sexuality didn't really matter to me they were first and foremost my friends. Now that I am a parent I listen to my kids and their experiences and I thank God he prepared me to handle bullying. They have been bullied about their race and sexuality. They've been called faggot or dike. They are all girls by the way.... I would not care if they came up to me and said,"Mom I am gay..", it'd be like telling me they want gravy on their potatoes, I'd say "ok."  If they told me they were suicidal then it would be a big deal and I would be the light they needed to make it through the darkness, after all isn't that what a parent is supposed to do?

Yesterday I took the pledge to stop bullying when I see it happening http://www.itgetsbetter.org/page/s/pledge/  I want to encourage you to do the same. To learn more about the pledge go to this link http://www.itgetsbetter.org/  and this link http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Bullying is everybodies problem, you just don't realize it until it happens to you....



This is the first in a series of blogs dedicated to tolerance....

PREFACE TO THIS MONTHS BLOG TOPICS... RACISM AND BULLYING

This month I want to focus on the topic of tolerance, racial, and sexual as in identity. The fact that the mere mention of this creates a tension, or uneasiness in some people and they will automatically tune out and leave my page before reading it, well those are the people I encourage to stay! I want to talk about mine and my families experiences personally with bullying and racism, these topics are not about all light and sweetness they are about perceptions that I grew up with because of certain attitudes I was raised around. I want to warn you that this blog will have narrative that some will find upsetting and it is not my intention to offend anyone or upset them, rather to tell my story and my families. I want to talk about bullying and how prevalent it is in our society and how bullying of LGBT (lesbian,gay,bisexual,transgender) teens has been on the rise. I want to talk about how social media, and how media in general is playing a great role in teaching globally the impact of bullying. I want to talk about the pledge I took yesterday to stop bullying when I see it happening. I will provide links to organizations and would love feedback on organizations that you may be involved in that promote positivity and find solutions. I hope to encourage you to be involved to become proactive in the world you live in. Take a stand to make this world a better place.