WHY ISN'T "THE METH PROJECT" IN EVERY STATE?

When I was googling Thanksgiving eve for apple pie baking times at the bottom of the page I was on was an advertisement that kinda caught my eye. I actually went to the ad for The Colorado Meth Project, it had vivid PSA's showing the varying phases of methamphetamine addiction, http://www.methproject.org/View_Ads/index.php  the ad that caught my interest was a john leaving a room and paying the girls boyfriend with a baggie of meth, it shows the boyfriend entering the room and the girl and he, both relieved that they have their high for the time being. WOW was all I could think. The next PSA I clicked on shows a son returning to his mothers house and him stealing from her, she catches him in the act and let me tell you I was flooded with emotions of sadness and anger and hate. Hate for the drug that has played an integral part of my families life. I was very naiive about drug use, and only ever tried marijuana a handful of times and rarely drank, even as a teen and young adult. So when my love became addicted to methamphetamine in 1993 I was not prepared for the fallout that would happen. He never did his drug use in front of me and never even offered it to me, which I thank God for. It would have been very easy to get high with him and become addicted instantaneously as he did. The catch phrase for the Meth Projects which exist in a handful of states is "Not Even Once" the target for these PSA's are teens but these should be seen by everyone. I tried to find out if one existed in California, Central Cali where I live is synonomous with the phrase meth capital. Sadly as of yet these PSA's are not shown in California and no Project exists here but it should.
Children of meth addicts have a high rate of becoming users themselves and in California that is doubled. Kids think meth will make them happy or loose weight, or that they don't really see it as a harmful drug. What they don't realize is that it makes you an addict the first time and that you are more likely to participate in more risky behaviors, such as unprotected sex, violent behavior and higher instances of getting into trouble with the law.
My children have witnessed their Dad when he was high in state of paranoia, saw him as he was hiding out from his family with other users, watched as he became someone they did not want to know anymore. They have seen his violent comedowns and they have seen him take his paycheck when he had jobs or valuables from us so he could get high. I think that because I did not use their chances of getting involved in drug use although high, are also lessened by the fact that they despise the drug and what it has done to them and their family. We talk more openly about things also, not all families do. I know the reality is that my kids will and have experimented with illicit drugs and or alcohol but I do believe that having an open and honest relationship is key when talking to your kids about anything.
My love is a newborn at being clean and sober and has suffered a lot of the effects of long time use. I know he became an IV user within the first year of his addiction.We have discussed his addiction numerous times through the years. He tried to quit numerous times and this time may not be his finale with the drug but it is the closest he has ever been to success for any lenght of time. I am proud of him, many are doubtful that this is the end for him and understandably so. I can only have hope that it is the end for him because it is for me. I will not sit by again and watch it destroy him. I will move on and just yesterday someone told me I needed to let him go. But that is my issue I am addicted to him. I have given up trying to fix him, he must fix himself and I must continue the positive work that I have made in my life. We do want the same things and we do want our family to heal, is he scared, am I? Of course we are scared, will we let that fear control us? I won't, I cannot speak for him. I always asked why he could not just quit, and I have asked former users that I know well now about their use and they all said the same thing. They don't know why, but it was an indescribable high that kept them coming back for more. Through info provided by The Meth Project I can see why; http://www.methproject.org/Meth_Info/education.php  methamphetamine creates higher dopamine levels in the brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that regulates functions for attention, cognition, movement, and also for pleasure. Meth users experience12 times higher dopamine levels than sex alone would stimulate in your pleasure transmitter. Now that is a tangible example to me.
 I will not ever give up on someone I love as I have said in prior posts, but I won't let someone destroy my spirit again either. It is a high wire that I walk, being in love with an addict and most people tire of the same old story. My story is not finished. Neither is his.Will we write it together? Statistically speaking NO is the answer. But speaking from my heart, I hope so. There I go again with Hope the most powerful invisible force in the world.
If you or someone that you love is addicted to methamphetamine educate yourself to the reality that is addiction. Check out these sites,  http://www.methproject.org/ and http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html. I would also urge that if you live in a state hit hard by the meth epidemic send The Meth Project link to you government representatives. Taking action creates change and change creates hope for the future.

why i blog....

I blog to talk about things that maybe others won't. I blog to make you feel uncomfortable with the  things that you thought you had no opinion on. I blog to make you look at the other side of the coin. Sometimes I get a reaction or create a feeling in you that you don't even want to acknowledge is there. I blog to tell my story. It is not some edited version of my life that I put before you it is 100% real. Blogging has been a release for me, a way to share, a way to look forward to putting my spin on the world I live in. I have had a lot of reactions to my words, comments or thoughts that others have left or said via someone else and that is a good thing. I don't look to be well read or liked I don't need that kind of validation. I validate me.
I often blog about my family because they are in my immediate world and I often blog about things that are very personal but I do so with the hope that it will create insight. Maybe a different way for a reader to identify with.  My love and my lovees all know that I blog about them and they have been very supportive in my efforts. I hide nothing from them. I often blog and add links that I think are helpful. I think that is an important part of the type of blogging I do. How do I classify my blogging. I just classify it as "real life" blogging. Sometimes I  fluff blog or blogging that is just for fun. But it is really apart from the real me. I think I am at my best when I blog about something that really strikes a cord in me or raises a passion in me.
I have been told I am the type A personality... if that is outspoken and forward, prone to argument and debate, confident and controlling, authoratative and informative then I would say I am a type A blogger.
I am used to rubbing people the wrong way... I usually do then they get to know the real me and they kinda either hate me or love me all or nothing and that is how I weed em out with my radar.  Hah seriously that is how I write either you like me or you don't and I am fine with that. I love free speech and I love blogging so I hope that you will keep on reading.
 Just wanting to show my gratitude during this Thanksgiving season.

My Post is Syndicated On Blogher.com main page.....PLEASE SHARE

Hey everyone thanks for following me one of my posts that is very important to me is on blogher.com you can read it at this link. http://www.blogher.com/i-had-ambitions-and-dreams-then-i-went-jail-domestic-violence?from=hot please retweet this and share it on facebook.com this post means so much to me and if one person can identify with it then what I and my family have been through was not in vain.
Wishing you all a safe and wonderful holiday, love the ones you are with because tomorrow is not promised. 
 Krisann

DO YOU SUPPORT THE "AMERICAN DREAM"? JUST NOT FOR ILLEGAL MEXICAN IMMIGRANTS?

A headline in my local newspaper spurred this post.... "Fresno State University Student Body President Reveals He Is An Illegal Immigrant", yes it is true Mexicans go to college and do exceedingly well.  Pedro Ramirez, 23 graduated from his highschool as a Valedictorian and went on to FSU. He is pursuing Poly Sci and Agriculture as his dual majors. And apparently he did all of this despite the fact that he is an illegal alien.....like being from Mexico means you only come to the US to work in the fields, or in a Mexican restaurant. I have mixed emotions about this situation, I am Mexican American. My Grandfather came here from the same town Pedros family came from, Jalisco Mexico. My grandfather came to the US and did so legally, by coming here to work and then sending for his wife and family later. He wanted to make a better life for his 10 children, and he did. He was a contractor for the Santa Fe Railroad and did fieldwork, all of the children except my Mother who was the youngest did this backbreaking work. Sons served in WWII and Korea, they were proud to be Americans. My Uncle Manuel died in the War. My Grandfather owned property and did well for being an uneducated man. All of my aunts and uncles spoke perfect English but my grandparents never learned it fluently. They were all successful productive members of society who went on to have their families. They were never on welfare,  or received assistance.

I am feeling torn because while I applaud the efforts of Pedro to make a good and positive impact on the world it leaves me feeling, like maybe my daughter who is going to Community College may be passed over for something she, as a legal citizen is entitled to. In the state of California there is a law that allows illegal immigrants to receive aid for college. Pedro claims he did not know that he was an illegal alien until he began to apply for college. I can see that as viable. But when he did find out he continued to keep it a secret well into his college career until this week when an email was leaked regarding his status.

Do I blame illegal aliens for the state of the state in California, in debt up to our necks and no liferaft in sight? No I blame a bunk immigration system and the great governors of this fair state. You know the thing is I consider myself an American, not a Mexican American but just American. So many people that I run into in my daily life, Mexicans from Mexico inparticular think I should speak perfect Spanish because my last name is Gonzales. I speak "spanglish" enough to get by, what they don't know is that I was not taught Spanish because my mother who went to Catholic School was punished with a wrap of the ruler on the hands if she spoke Spanish. It is irritating that they complain about me when I am driving them on the bus, because they think I don't understand what they are saying but I do and it is only when I talk to them in my "spanglish" that they smile and call me Mija.....they don't like my country music, and they don't like that I don't wait for them if they are running for the bus, look I don't wait for anyone if they are not at their stop. Hey I rode the bus for 2 or 3 years and I got left plenty. My perception is that they feel that I think I am better than them or just don't get any of the struggles they have had. Funny human struggles are all the same, does not matter what your color is.

I guess  some of my bias comes from being the victim of identity theft, 15 years ago the IRS came after me for 30,000 dollars in back taxes, because an illegal alien had bought my stolen birth certificate and Social Security card. This was pre-internet and it took me one year to prove to the IRS that this Krisann Gonzales was 9 months pregnant and in college, not working at some cannery in Georgia. I had actual pictures of the alleged Krisann Gonzales and signatures of "her" name, which were nothing like mine. So how is it that HR reps of these companies in question went ahead and accepted her proof of who she was without question? Sad but true big corporations and small alike do not care.

I am all for the American Dream, believe me. What I do not agree with is catering to a set group of people. If I went to China they would expect me to speak Chinese right? So why are forms in Spanish and the city signs (locally) have Spanish as the bolder print and English in smaller print. Why are kids in school learning in Spanish, that is why they are failing state mandated tests, these tests are made for English speakers! Sad but true my child who is part Mexican was being taught in Spanish  when she first enterred kindergarten and did not know what the heck was going on, even sadder my friends daughter whose last name is Martin was put in a bilingual class and she has blonde hair and blue eyes... So are we catering to a certain group of people? I think so. I hate to sound racist or biggoted because I feel so strongly that if you come to America you should be made to follow the rules that everyone else who is a citizen has to follow. I have had many heated discussions with friends and family and my conclusion is always the same. Making a better life for yourself is an inherent right every man, woman, and child should be afforded. That is after all why our forefathers founded this great country. So what about the illegal aliens who are serving our country, should they be afforded the same benefits and rights as a citizen? So many stickey wickets here. This conversation will go on until the end of time. I will agree that this same group of people who a lot of people love to complain about actually help with the growth of the economy, they work  and spend their money,especially locally. I guess the situation is as multifaceted as Pedro is. He obviously want to make a better way for himself, he is a supporter of the DREAM act go to this link to learn more http://www.dreamactivist.org/ this act will create the journey to citizenship for undocumented students and those who serve our country proudly. I can see by what I have read about him that he wants positive change to come from his story. I can also see that he will probably succeed and go on to a great role in politics or advocacy for people in general. I guess it is just the principal of legally being here that gets me. Thanks Grandparents for following your dreams to California.