Sample of an EVIDENTIARY ABUSE AFFIDAVIT for victims of domestic violence

I promised someone that I would post this on my site it is a link for domestic violence victims. It is a sample of an EVIDENTIARY ABUSE AFFIDAVIT I think it is a powerful tool that should be taken seriously for anyone who is an advocate for domestic violence victims or if you yourself or someone you love are a victim of domestic violence view the sample below and or visit this link http://www.susanmurphymilano.com/

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.



Thank You Delilah!

Thanks Mom at Wal-Mart parking lot YOU made me feel NORMAL!

Yes the holiday season is officially upon us and I like 99% of the rest of the population have not even bought any gifts yet. I like 99 % of the rest of the population will go on a pilgrimage to the local Mecca uh I mean Wal-Mart. I hate going to there on any day of the year but in the days that precede Christmas I really hate it. I love shopping like most women do, just not with my kids. Things have changed from the days of them just throwing themselves on the floor having a fit because they could not have a toy or candy, at least then they were 3! You would think as they got older it would get easier and well, fun. Wrong with a capital WRONG. They can ruin any simple shopping trip with not just one but usually several embarrasing acts; be it farting in the store, or worse yet fighting in the store, or mother of all shopping sins talking back to  me, their Mom in the store......which is in public...... which therefore means I risk any physical or bodily injury that I may want to inflict on them getting picked up by a security camera.  Darn it all.

Oh I recently turned the tables on them on a stop at a local 99 cent store and they were very embarrassed. I accidentally tooted in an aisle then laughed uncontrollably and tooted several more times and I did the peepee dance. I yelled with my grandson as we walked down the aisles. We had a grand time. My 18 year old, his mom tried to hide in another aisle and my 15 and soon to be 11 year old scolded me "Man Mom do you have to be so LOUD?" That my fellow mothers is what I call IRONIC. How dare they be so upset by my behavior. They torture me every chance they get! Me embarrass them imagine the horror!

So today it was with secret joy that I sat in my darkened van texting on my phone as I waited for my daughters to come out of Wal-Mart. I volunteered to stay in the car with my grandson who had fallen asleep. I was not looking forward to pushing my way through the store for toilet paper, diapers, and chocolate. Not with the crapload of cars in the parking lot. As I am on my phone I see a well dressed Mom getting out of a big giant truck with her rugged husband and two sons close to my 15 and 11 year olds ages. She smooths her  long blonde hair and pulls down her rumpled coat, smoothing the fabric with her well manicured hands. She crosses her arm to secure her purse and like a drill sargeant says, "I am warning you, if you two embarrass me in any way once we get in the store I will pull your pants down and beat your asses!" She punctuates each word with a finger pointing that any Italian would be proud of. Now thats what I'm talking about! Joy rose up in my little Mommy heart which swelled with a knowingness and admiration for this Mom, and I grimaced like the Grinch! She marched off to take the arm of said boys father and I suspect had a great time shopping! At least I like to think that it was a carefree time and the boys behaved perfectly.

I wanted to roll my window down and say in solidarity, "YOU ROCK! THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL NORMAL!" Alas my lil man was asleep and I did not want to wake him. So I sat shaking my head yes and secretly feeling the Christmas Joy that she had given me. Happy Holidays and happy shopping! With or without the kids!

WHY ISN'T "THE METH PROJECT" IN EVERY STATE?

When I was googling Thanksgiving eve for apple pie baking times at the bottom of the page I was on was an advertisement that kinda caught my eye. I actually went to the ad for The Colorado Meth Project, it had vivid PSA's showing the varying phases of methamphetamine addiction, http://www.methproject.org/View_Ads/index.php  the ad that caught my interest was a john leaving a room and paying the girls boyfriend with a baggie of meth, it shows the boyfriend entering the room and the girl and he, both relieved that they have their high for the time being. WOW was all I could think. The next PSA I clicked on shows a son returning to his mothers house and him stealing from her, she catches him in the act and let me tell you I was flooded with emotions of sadness and anger and hate. Hate for the drug that has played an integral part of my families life. I was very naiive about drug use, and only ever tried marijuana a handful of times and rarely drank, even as a teen and young adult. So when my love became addicted to methamphetamine in 1993 I was not prepared for the fallout that would happen. He never did his drug use in front of me and never even offered it to me, which I thank God for. It would have been very easy to get high with him and become addicted instantaneously as he did. The catch phrase for the Meth Projects which exist in a handful of states is "Not Even Once" the target for these PSA's are teens but these should be seen by everyone. I tried to find out if one existed in California, Central Cali where I live is synonomous with the phrase meth capital. Sadly as of yet these PSA's are not shown in California and no Project exists here but it should.
Children of meth addicts have a high rate of becoming users themselves and in California that is doubled. Kids think meth will make them happy or loose weight, or that they don't really see it as a harmful drug. What they don't realize is that it makes you an addict the first time and that you are more likely to participate in more risky behaviors, such as unprotected sex, violent behavior and higher instances of getting into trouble with the law.
My children have witnessed their Dad when he was high in state of paranoia, saw him as he was hiding out from his family with other users, watched as he became someone they did not want to know anymore. They have seen his violent comedowns and they have seen him take his paycheck when he had jobs or valuables from us so he could get high. I think that because I did not use their chances of getting involved in drug use although high, are also lessened by the fact that they despise the drug and what it has done to them and their family. We talk more openly about things also, not all families do. I know the reality is that my kids will and have experimented with illicit drugs and or alcohol but I do believe that having an open and honest relationship is key when talking to your kids about anything.
My love is a newborn at being clean and sober and has suffered a lot of the effects of long time use. I know he became an IV user within the first year of his addiction.We have discussed his addiction numerous times through the years. He tried to quit numerous times and this time may not be his finale with the drug but it is the closest he has ever been to success for any lenght of time. I am proud of him, many are doubtful that this is the end for him and understandably so. I can only have hope that it is the end for him because it is for me. I will not sit by again and watch it destroy him. I will move on and just yesterday someone told me I needed to let him go. But that is my issue I am addicted to him. I have given up trying to fix him, he must fix himself and I must continue the positive work that I have made in my life. We do want the same things and we do want our family to heal, is he scared, am I? Of course we are scared, will we let that fear control us? I won't, I cannot speak for him. I always asked why he could not just quit, and I have asked former users that I know well now about their use and they all said the same thing. They don't know why, but it was an indescribable high that kept them coming back for more. Through info provided by The Meth Project I can see why; http://www.methproject.org/Meth_Info/education.php  methamphetamine creates higher dopamine levels in the brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that regulates functions for attention, cognition, movement, and also for pleasure. Meth users experience12 times higher dopamine levels than sex alone would stimulate in your pleasure transmitter. Now that is a tangible example to me.
 I will not ever give up on someone I love as I have said in prior posts, but I won't let someone destroy my spirit again either. It is a high wire that I walk, being in love with an addict and most people tire of the same old story. My story is not finished. Neither is his.Will we write it together? Statistically speaking NO is the answer. But speaking from my heart, I hope so. There I go again with Hope the most powerful invisible force in the world.
If you or someone that you love is addicted to methamphetamine educate yourself to the reality that is addiction. Check out these sites,  http://www.methproject.org/ and http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html. I would also urge that if you live in a state hit hard by the meth epidemic send The Meth Project link to you government representatives. Taking action creates change and change creates hope for the future.

why i blog....

I blog to talk about things that maybe others won't. I blog to make you feel uncomfortable with the  things that you thought you had no opinion on. I blog to make you look at the other side of the coin. Sometimes I get a reaction or create a feeling in you that you don't even want to acknowledge is there. I blog to tell my story. It is not some edited version of my life that I put before you it is 100% real. Blogging has been a release for me, a way to share, a way to look forward to putting my spin on the world I live in. I have had a lot of reactions to my words, comments or thoughts that others have left or said via someone else and that is a good thing. I don't look to be well read or liked I don't need that kind of validation. I validate me.
I often blog about my family because they are in my immediate world and I often blog about things that are very personal but I do so with the hope that it will create insight. Maybe a different way for a reader to identify with.  My love and my lovees all know that I blog about them and they have been very supportive in my efforts. I hide nothing from them. I often blog and add links that I think are helpful. I think that is an important part of the type of blogging I do. How do I classify my blogging. I just classify it as "real life" blogging. Sometimes I  fluff blog or blogging that is just for fun. But it is really apart from the real me. I think I am at my best when I blog about something that really strikes a cord in me or raises a passion in me.
I have been told I am the type A personality... if that is outspoken and forward, prone to argument and debate, confident and controlling, authoratative and informative then I would say I am a type A blogger.
I am used to rubbing people the wrong way... I usually do then they get to know the real me and they kinda either hate me or love me all or nothing and that is how I weed em out with my radar.  Hah seriously that is how I write either you like me or you don't and I am fine with that. I love free speech and I love blogging so I hope that you will keep on reading.
 Just wanting to show my gratitude during this Thanksgiving season.